Stuart passed away 14 August- I still can’t believe it

I lost my Dear Hubby May 14 th 2025. and I still find it hard to believe I will never see him again. I'm not far behind you  and it's so depressing to think about how many years we have left to navigate without  them by our side. I gave up work in my early 40's to care for him . He had a lot of Health problems. So I now feel redundant. Despite him being very ill ,although pretending he wasn't so bad. I really thought he would pull through, so it was a shock that he died. 

Of course you will still be in shock. I hope someone else can come support you when your friend leaves. Have you requested counselling ? It can take some time before you get appointments, so better to ask early. it's good you have pets. They are a reason you have to make an effort to get out of bed in a morning. Without our dogs I think I would just stay in and isolate myself. i listen to you tube pod casts for Widows going through grief . You might want to try them. Karen Sutton and Krista St Germain are the ones I listen to most. Though they are younger than us , they have both lost a Husband and so know  what its like. 

Hello Galloway

Welcome to the forum though its not somewhere most of us want to be but here we are. I am 3 years into this horrible journey and reading your post I can resonate slightly. My dear husband Jay passed away in June 2023 after a 2 and half year battle with bowel cancer at one stage going into remission only for it to come back for him 5 months later after getting his operation to remove the tumour. This is very recent  and will be very raw for you and your head will be all over the place with feelings of denial, shock and guilt just to name a few. I was very much in denial when Jay was in his final days. I knew the end was coming but didn't want to believe it and for every good day he had I saw that as a little bit of hope he was recovering but the bad days exceeded the good days unfortunately. He wanted to pass at home but in the end this wasn't possible as he was just to weak and four bouts of sepsis in the mix didn't help it was on the fourth bout along with his advancing cancer that finally took him. I have a little dog too and he is my reason for getting up in the morning him and my two little granddaughters my daughter in law has just returned to work after maternity leave so I have been roped into helping with the childcare which I don't mind. Just keep coming here when you feel you need to or when you feel those closest to you `don't get it` because we all do and are a great support for each other. Just take things a day at a time for now and take care of yourself. Sending you hugs and best wishes. 

Vicky x

I am sorry to hear about your husband, Stuart. It is extremely difficult when you have been caring and protecting them for a sustained period of time. I felt bereft too, when my darling Paul died in August 2024. It was kidney cancer, that had spread to his liver very quickly. Cancer is such a cruel disease. Prior to that he had Atrial Fibrillation, and had key hole surgery, twice. It will all feel surreal for some time. I am sending you hugs, as you will need them. Kate.xxx

Hi Galloway.

i feel your pain. My wonderful husband Mart who had tonsil cancer passed on 21st April 25 (Easter Monday) He finished 6 weeks radiotherapy and 5 weeks chemo on the Good Friday. We were so looking forward to starting his recovery. All he wanted was a blackcurrant cider and a pastie. Silly really. But 2 days later he collapsed and died in our hallway. The paramedics and doctors tried to revive him but to no avail. I later found out it was a blood clot that travelled from his leg to his lungs possibly caused by the chemo. However I just want to say I don’t cry every day now and I am learning to live without him., though he is always on my mind and in my heart ️ and I will love him forever. Things have got a little easier. Just take one day at a time shout and scream and cry if you want to , just don’t hold it in or it will destroy you.

love and hugs

sue xxx

Where could I get counselling?

Hello again, You will probably need to see your Doctor to get referred. Also most Cancer Hospices offer free counselling. And there is also Cruse which I chose to ask , But I had to wait 6 months , which Is why I suggested getting in touch with them Asap. I suppose it depends on your area as to how many volunteers they have available . So while I was waiting I had appointments with the in-house  Counsellor at the Doctors, a young Lady who was very nice and a good listener ,but she wasn't a Bereavement Counsellor so although it did help me get the thoughts out of my head , she couldn't give me much advise as she had not had a significant loss herself. Apart from the suggestions I've made there will be Private counsellors ,but they are expensive at around £55-£65 an hour . Which after a loss is expensive and I certainly didn't have much money to play around with. Nor do I now. even less in fact ..having moved house and this house needing a lot of work doing. Do please try the Podcasts on You tube as they can be very helpful in that they are Women who have been through a traumatic loss. And it does help to know that all the emotions we are feeling are valid and normal. Although nobody tells you that and we find out when it happens to us. And it can be overwhelming once the shock begins to wear off . I hope you have some good support in family and friends , Try to eat healthy ,get plenty of sleep when possible . I had to get sleeping tablets from the Doctor as I was exhausted not sleeping more than a couple of hours and trying to keep so busy that i tried to avoid the thoughts driving me crazy. Cx

Hi Galloway, Im sorry to read about Stuart, we can all understand that feeling of abandoned child. Im glad you have had a friend with you. Your mind will be all over the place, organising the funeral if there is one, starting to sort paperwirk, the will etc. 

We are a decent bunch here who can speak freely amongst, so come here any time and ramble away.

I list my husband Tony, to a rare sarcoma last October, sometimes I cant believe how the time has gone, most of it in a blur.

Its worth asking any hospice you were linked to about counselling, I have just started, mine wont let you refer yourself in until 3 months have passed then I had a long wait too. In some ways I do wonder if having it now is better than if Id had it at the start, but certainly start looking and enquiring.

If you are up to meeting others see if your area has anything like a bereavement or grief group. There are also The Jolly Dollies, a group for widows with many lical branches, and also the Widowed collective..thats mainly through Whatsapp but they do meets too, in fact Ive not long been to my first. Thats a mixed group.

In the meantime, just take one minte, one hour, one day at a time. Do what you need to get through the day. I learned quite quickly do set lower expectations.

A big virtual hug for you xx

I wrote a long reply and it disappeared.

Anyway just wanted to say Im sorry to read about Stuart, its very fresh for you and your mind will be overwhelmed by everything

But we are a decent bunch here so ramble away, we support each other without judgement. Xx

Thank you.

Much appreciated.