A new me

Hi Lexis.  I think this is normal and you're not losing your mind at all.  Our partners are so entwined with us and our sense of self and safety that when that's taken away it feels like you are adrift with no help coming.  All we can do is take one bit at a time, an hour, a day.  Have you thought of counselling?   I just started talking with someone, I think it might be helping but we'll see.   

Thinking of you,  you're not mad

Hi Lexis.

No you are not losing your mind. After 3 years I still hark back the the `old me` when Jay was here and in some ways I still want those days back but know I can't.  A lot for me I feel has changed in the 3 years he has gone and I feel somewhat ` different too. There have been changes for the worst but some for the better. Sometimes I wonder where I fit in now too. I'm definitely a widow but don't know much about a `singleton` at 60+ I think I'm a bit long in the tooth for that. I feel I have gone back to my `pre-Jay` days before I knew him but now I am that little bit more confident and he helped me with that. Before I knew him I was very shy and withdrawn- still am but not as bad and I think I have him to thank for bringing me out of my shell so to speak. I just miss all we had and sometimes it just feels so unfair at what could have been were he still here but can't now. I see other people getting on with their lives and sometimes I just feel stuck and that makes me sad too. As nic says all we can do is take one day at a time and put one foot in front of the other. Sending you best wishes. 

Vicky 

You are not talking rubbish. At times, I have become very short tempered, and have little patience with our adult children. Our son was given an expensive watch, and hasn’t insured it. I absolutely lost my temper, as it was my husband’s. I have intense mood swings, and can’t seem to get any emotional consistency. In a way, my previous life has been vapourised and I don’t know who I am anymore more. 

Thank you, Kate, for taking the time and trouble to message me. I am reassured by what you say although I am sorry for your problems. From what I have read be bereavement often leads to new or very modified identities so I don’t think we are alone although that’s not much comfort. My very best wishes to you.

Hello, Vicky, and thank you so much for taking the time and trouble to send me a message. I really do appreciate that. It is comforting to know  I am not alone although I am so very sorry for the problems you are experiencing. From what I have read personality changes and even what seem to be new identities are very common after bereavement but that still doesn’t help much, does it? My very best wishes for the future.

Thank you so much for taking the time and trouble to send me a message. I really do appreciate that. I do not think that by any means we are alone in what we are experiencing and I am so sorry for you must be going through. thank you so much for thinking of me and with every blessing for the future

Hi Lexis

I totally get what you say, the best part of me died 8 months ago and I don't like the person I am now. All my confidence has gone, everything scares me, even walking my dog is a struggle some days. I think the person we were with our loved ones just disappears overnight. I was capable, strong, people told me I was brave; now I am none of those things. This is normal, whatever normal means now, but it makes things so much harder. Don't feel you are mad or on your own, there is always someone here who understands first hand what you are going through. I only wish I knew how to improve it, for us all. 

Thank you so much for your message. I really do appreciate it and it is good good to know that I’m not on my own. I know that people on here understand and that is reassuring. You have described it exactly the way it is. People who have not been in this situation simply cannot understand but the way you have put it is absolutely true. It really is as if we morph into someone else. What a terribly strange feeling, isn’t it? My very best wishes to you and thank you so much once again 

It's very scary. I feel as if a layer of skin has been ripped away, everything hurts now. I guess my lovely David was that protective layer. I wonder if people just learn to live like this, or if it does get easier eventually? 

Thank you for taking the time and trouble to message me. I really do appreciate it. I can only hope that with time things will change and we will all get used to it but, goodness knows, it’s so difficult. I wish you all the very best.