Losing my marbles

Hi Anne yes they will.  They never really went away.  The shock and the pain make everything so difficult to recall and line up.  But little things will bring it back.  Like a song on the radio or a TV clip.  Or silly things like McDonald's napkins - my Nick hated how they crinkled,  made his skin crawl and he'd laugh.  I'd forgotten about that.

Try to be gentle with yourself and it will come back.

Sending love.  Angela

Hi nicangel.

Funny how you remember things. Reading your post this has come to mind. My husband used to hate it and get really annoyed when I used to not change the empty cardboard toilet roll holder. So I used to draw little faces on them. He wasn't best pleased lol x

Ha that really made me smile.  I can just see you going to the loo armed with a sharpie  haha

I think it makes me feel a little better that I've managed to get a little peace for just a short time and the gentle memories come.  

Hopefully more come along for us all.

I used to have and still do a thing about bubble wrap. If we got parcels delivered and if it was a fragile item and wrapped in bubble wrap I used to sit for ages popping the little `blisters` and it would drive Jay absolutely nuts especially if he was watching one of his crap TV shows he used to watch he was forever shouting at me to stop it. Funny how you miss those things now I sit and `pop` the bubble wrap in peace and sometimes still imagine he's sitting there telling me to stop

I was at my knitting group this afternoon. I haven’t mentioned Stuart has died as I’m fairly new there. Also, I’m beginning to feel people treat us bereaved like we’re contagious. 

I find that as well Anne.  Plus I have one subject and that's Nick.  People get fed up.  Sometimes I feel a bit brave and think well I don't care I'm going to just say it anyway and I just explain my husband has passed away so I'm taking everything one step at a time.  As long as you feel better saying it out loud then it's fine.  Their bad reaction is on them.  You deserve patience and love.  Kindness costs nothing.

Before having to take a break from work because of losing Nick I worked in a pharmacy.   Regularly patients would come in to let me know their husband or wife had passed away.  I wouldn't dream of not being as kind and empathetic as possible and spending time with them.   It makes me wonder about people, how can they manage to be so insensitive. 

I didn't tell anyone here where I'm living now that I lost my Dear Hubby last year. I didn't and still don't want to discuss the Traumatic time leading up to his passing.We had already been in the process of moving house , but he died unexpectedly 3 months before the Sale went through.  I didn't leave the house for those months unless I went out in the car with a member of my family. I couldn't bear to talk to neighbours out on walks with our dogs. It was a great relief to move away where the neighbours didn't know me or anything about me. There are some good neighbours here and I know they are wondering if I'm divorced or Widowed. I have let it slip that I'm widowed to 2 people now ,and so I imagine it will eventually get around. Yes people do treat us differently. The miserable Woman next door has never looked up when I've said Hello to her and her Husband , He spoke from the beginning  and perhaps she doesn't like him talking to other Women. I am certainly not interested in her Husband or any other man either. It doesn't bother me that she ignores me . I don't even look at her now. Also I think people who haven't lost a significant person don't really know what to say...they lose the ability to have a normal conversation or just small talk. It really doesn't bother me . They can take me or leave me. I like a nice chat about everyday things when I have to go out ,either with the dogs or shopping. And I go to Yoga one day a week. That's it. Good that you have joined a knitting club. And keep your secret for as long as you want / need. It gives you a little respite to talk about other things and gives your mind a little rest. 

It seems that people look at you differently when you're widowed. I feel like an outsider now, I don't belong anywhere. I make people feel awkward and embarrassed. It's easier for them to avoid me. There are no invitations now, who wants an odd one out? 

They don't realise the cruelty of their actions. I've lost the love of my life and thanks to them I've also lost the support network and friendship I mistakenly believed I would have. I don't have the strength or confidence to try making new friends. I don't know what the answer is to this empty life. 

Hear you spirit! All that you have written I can relate to exactly all of that. Where do you fit in now?? 

xx

I’m so sorry to hear this. I despair of people. All you need is comfort of their presence and to be listened to. Anne xx