Dreading New Year

Never butting in Lou12. Love this thread, we can share and chat. 

Totally relate to all of the above. Sometimes I could tell my mum things and then I'd instantly feel better.  Miss that, so much X  I am also trying hard. But also find looking into the future sooo daunting. So i have decided to make small steps and goals xx working on weeks and months rather than years.  Xx  

HI Sunny43, relate to that. Everything I do and see, I think ooh I tell mum. Xx I kind of too. With out sounding a completely Looney. I often talk to her. Oh mum youf love thisXx 

Aww i found the first hard too. X sending you strength. x Mum's birthday was on New Years Eve. It was really hard. I say Just do what's right for you. If thats a day on your own or  a celebration. We had a family meal and just spent time together. 

I find all first hard. Even the little firsts. If that makes sense. Even the weather, I remember when we had bad snow last time. She was quite poorly and my dad was still working. So i would go to their house  and get in there king size bed with her and watch films. I really miss the those snuggles. x  We called them snuggly days. I could really do with a snuggly day. x  keep toasty. X

The snuggly days sound lovely, priceless memories for you to hold onto. 

My mother's birthday is coming up next month and I'm feeling sick at the thought of it, she would have been 69. We are trying to think of something we can do but I can imagine it well be very hard. We knew my mother was ill last year on her birthday but did not fully know what it was but managed to have a lovely day.

Also sending you strenght Sunny for your birthday in March. I can imagine the firsts, seconds, thirds and so on will be hard and completely different to what we are used to.

Take care Ladies hardly any snow here, although we were predicted a blizzard x x x

Hi all

I can relate to so many aspects of all your posts. 

I was at work late the other day and found myself thinking I should tell Mum - totally momentarily forgot she wasn’t here any more. Today I found myself thinking how she would have made a vegetable stew with dumplings in this cold weather and it would have been ready when I came home. Instead I come home to an empty house. So many feelings..too much to write.

Meant to have heavy snow overnight here. So stressful when you have to get to work. Brrrrr I hate the cold.

Keep warm everyone. Thinking of you all.

GBear hope you’re doing ok.

Take care xx

Thank you Sunshine - it helps coming on here and writing my thoughts down. I can’t really talk about things to dad as it makes him upset. Dad lost the love of his life, were married for over 60 years. I usually just have a quiet birthday, and this year will be the same. I never thought my birthday last year would be the last with mum, it’s just as well you can’t see the future. The snuggle word is what I used to say to mum  - I would say snuggle down mum and have a good nights sleep. Keep warm xx

Thank you Lou - sending you strength too. We all understand what each of us are going through and what we feel, when we have to approach special occasions without our loved ones. Take care, especially if your out and about in the snow xx

SPu - my mum liked to cook and bake things, dumplings is one of the things mum used to make. The memories come flooding back. Master chef is returning soon, mum and me used to watch it, it was actually the last programme mum watched. I can’t bear to watch it now though.Take care. Weather here in the North East is mixed - snow, sleet, blue skies and even a flash of lightning - a weather mish/mash. Thinking of you xx

Yes, , I too can’t watch things we used to watch together, I can’t eat things we both enjoyed. I can’t eat the things Mum really enjoyed in her last months at home. I know some people will think that is silly but I just can’t do it. I can’t buy new food things I would have before knowing we’d like them. I guess this will pass eventually but it’s too difficult at the moment.

I hate weekends. I have nothing at all planned this weekend so that’s two days alone and alone with my thoughts and memories. I used to look forward to two days of rest now I just wish away the hours. I can’t even just go out walking or whatever- it’s just too cold.

Keep warm everyone, hope you are doing ok xx

Thinking of you ladies.  Totally realte to programme/ thing. I was like that at first. But now in a away i find some things comforting. My mum brought me a slow cooker and this week ive made stews like she would have. I can hear her saying. "Have a lovely dinner and snuggly down"

SPu I find days off hard too. I work shifts so my work is unsociable hours, so I'm often off when Everyone else is working. (As my mum didnt work in the day either. We spend the majority of these days together.)

I was off today. I just went food shopping and then told my self I would do house work. But actually laid on the bed and woke up 5hrs later. Xxx must have needed it  x  of course I miss her, because she was my mum. But also she was my best friend. She was the person I choose to spend my free time with. I feel like a bit of a Billy no mates. I just don't know what to do with my self. I think I need to start a hobbies interest. Does anyone do anything?  Xx

Hi . Until I started work again in Jan (I was made redundant just before losing my Mum), I had even more time on my hands once organising the funeral was done. I already go to a quiz weekly with friends so I restarted that. Plus I go to Dancercise weekly too. When the weather is better I go walking at the coast where I used to go with Mum when she was well. I used to read a lot but I can’t seem to settle enough to read much now. My friends have been great but they have partners and families of their own so cant be around every weekend. I don’t really know what to do - I have always hated my own company so now that is magnified. 

How does everyone else fill their empty days?

xx