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Ever feel like cracking ya head against a brick wall? I am sure you do......I know i do!
Life feels like a series of steps.......one forward......two back........with the odd trip and stumble.
My Hubby, Andy, is tolerating his chemo for his bladder cancer so well. He is a credit to his own strength. He just started his 2 round of treatment yesterday with 6 hours of chemo.......and other than a little nausea and tiredness you wouldnt even know what he went through...I am incredibly proud of...
To quote that amazing song, "First I was afraid, I was petrified" but it goes on to say "I will survive."
Survivorship, that's what it is called when we get past treatment and sometimes that feels like an amazing thing. I mean, when you have been through a life changing event and come out the other side, faced death in the face and walked on the to have survived is no mean accomplishment. Other days though, and there are days when it feels like I'm just about hanging in...
Mum has been quite hard to deal with lately. Dont get me wrong I know she has an awful lot to deal with and I dont envy anyone who knows their own life is limited but My sister and I seem to be getting alternate days of nastyness from our Mum. Im at a point that I dont know what to say when I see her incase I start Mum off on one. yesterday I really struggled to go and see her. I know it sounds selfish but I dont want to remember my mum like that in our last months together I want to remember the...
10th June 2013
Today brings the appointment we have all been dreading. for someone sho refuses to discuss the fact she has cancer today I fear will be to much for mum. I know my sister and I are both scared of what they'll say so cant imagine how mum must be feeling.
We arrive at the hospital, walk through a long corridor to the cancer centre. We headed through the double doors to fing a large room with four sections listed A to D and a reception desk. to our right was a blood testing room...
The day has come to discuss everything and what will happen next.
My sister ,Mum and I head up to the hospital to see mr Greyerz (mums hospital doctor)
We get there and luckily only have to wait 5 minutes before we are called in. The three of us sit there and listen to the doctor explain that the main tumour is pressing on two arteries that go to the right ventricle of the heart. this is what caused mums admittance to hospital not a c.o.p,d flare up. The reason mums face was so red and swollen...
6th June 2013
Today was a strange day. I went to visit Mum at Dawns like I do everyday and found this woman who was normally kind and gentle being an absolute cow barking orders ant my sister and I and our husbands, giving dirty looks and generally being pushy. I know what she is facing is beyond my comprehension and the fact no ones allowed to talk about it doesnt help. My sister and I have to go out of the room to discuss anything and even if its not Mum related we get oh been talking about me...
5th June 2013
The phone call we had all been waiting for finally came today.
My sister answered the call from the consultant who sid the results are back and we need to make an appointment for friday to see him. As none of us could wait until then my sister asked him a few questions,
Can you offer any treatment
What cancer is the primary one
How long does he think mum has left with treatment.
The answers were
yes chemotherapy to try to reduce it not cure it.
the tumours in mums lungs are...
1st june 2013
The weekend was a lovely one. My Mums brothers and sisters came to see her. My Mum is staying with my sister at present as she has the room to make a bedroom downstairs so she cooked a lovely dinner for us all. Mum was laughing for the first time in nearly two week as we all sat in dawns garden basking in the glorious sunshine that had decided to show up just for mum.
My aunties and uncles were asking me how mums doing and do they know how long she has left to which I replied we wont...
31st may 2013
Todays visit was a little happier, knowing shes coming home has made a massive difference to mums mood. I get my orders to pack everything up ready (this was at 08.30 lol)
Mum got more and more aggitated as the time rolled by with no sign of going for the ultrasound or spirometry then at 16.30hrs mum gets wheeled down for her scan. we are dreading what they may find but great news that area is clear from growths now we just have to wait for the breathing test then shes on her way...
30th May 2013
Today is the day of the bronchoscopy. we are all nervous and my sister and I arent doing a split shift today ,we have both been there since early morning to support Mum.Mum was nil be mouth today and was gasping for her morning cuppa tea. Also it was the day when she decided she had the munchies. typical the first 4 days after admittance she woudnt eat now shes not allowed to she wants to. :)
We sit waiting for the porter until 13.30hrs. We say our goodbyes to Mum and wish her luck...
