Frightened to talk

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

13 Jun 2013

Mum has been quite hard to deal with lately. Dont get me wrong I know she has an awful lot to deal with and I dont envy anyone who knows their own life is limited but My sister and I seem to be getting alternate days of nastyness from our Mum. Im at a point that I dont know what to say when I see her incase I start Mum off on one. yesterday I really struggled to go and see her. I know it sounds selfish but I dont want to remember my mum like that in our last months together I want to remember the mum she used to be. Its very hard to be honest to be nice to someone who constantly has a go at you over nothing or gets a mood on because something hasnt been done quick enough. my hubby and I discussed whether she is trying to push us away as not to hurt so much when the enivitable does happen I really dont know anymore.

I dont know what mums going through as she wont talk about anything. I wish she would open up to us so we know if shes terrified,depressed, mixed emotions etc. I asked her the other day is there anything you have always wanted to do but havent got done yet. I asked mum for a picnic the other day also as I thought t would be a lovely day together being 'normal' but Mum wasnt up for that. All she does is sit in the front room watching tv and twice a day has a wander around the garden.I really would love to make more happy memories in the time we have left but I dont think its going to happen,

Sorry for the selfish moan but I cant keep it all inside it will drive me mad and make me ill. my blood pressure is already sky high so im worrying about being able to keep helping mum and mum herself.

FormerMember over 10 years ago

Hi again Clare,

I can relate to this, unfortunately people can get incredibly upset and often quite nasty. My advice would be to let her be, brush off her comments, smile and give her a hug. She really needs you and she probably is so incredibly angry that this is happening, scared and in a strange way, she probably is trying to protect you from it. I promise you these times will not be promient in your mind, after some time the cancer memories will fade and your mum, as she was, will be very much at the forefront of your mind. Let her scream, let her shout, she needs to, but don't take it personally, she doesn't mean it. Right now the priority is your mum and how she feels, you can deal with your feelings privately with your husband, but please don't let it stop you being with her. Hugs xx
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FormerMember over 10 years ago

Hi mollyb

Nothing would stop me being with my mum, and I do understand how frightened and annoyed she must feel. Its just hard when your trying to make happy memories that your to scared to open your mouth incase you upset her and thats the last thing I want to do. I guess im used to being so very close to mum and we talk about everything but this one she cant open up about which is a shame I'd do anything to help her but i know shes sealing with it in her own way. The hugs are a plenty as are the I love you's. I guess its just hard now and then thats all but I know its harder for my Mum.

Thanks for posting xx
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FormerMember over 10 years ago

It's just a really, really awful time. Cancer is so cruel. Dad started to get depressed and would get angry and shout a lot, particularly towards the end. He was incredibly frustrated and it must have been so hard for him. It was when we were trying to make him eat he would just go nuts. I know it sounds horrible but we found it quite funny in the very end because he was just like Victor Meldrew! His face was deadly serious though yet what he was saying was hillarious! It's little things like that I remember and treasure. Thinking of you xx
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