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A title, it's my blog the title can be anything I want it to be but could I think of one, NO! Hence the actual title. Before you ask yes I did sit staring at my iPad for twenty minutes trying to think of something!
So what did I come on here to say? Hmmmmm good question! I have so much going on in my head but I'm not sure I can put it down in words! You know sometimes it's difficult to find the words. Or maybe that's just me! I know, thanks to the drugs, that my ability to think straight has...
Well, as you can see from the title my latest scans showed no evidence of cancer! To say it’s a relief would be a huge understatement. I’ve tried to put a brave face on my anxiety (not always successfully) but I was extremely worried. The thought of going through all that has happened in the past year to be told my cancer’s come back (it wouldn’t really have gone away) so soon would have been difficult to take. Yes, I know that it may come back in the future but at least for the time being I’m still...
WELL UNTIL I COME TO BED THAT IS!
SERIOUSLY what is it with me! All through the day I am literally struggling to stay awake! My eyelids feel heavy and i feel myself dropping off. In the evening while watching tv I begin to drop off.
BUT
I walk up the stairs and brush my teeth and jump into bed AND it's like a bloody switch has been flicked and I am wide awake!
Do I enter a parallel universe when I go up those stairs? Does everything go into opposite mode? Or am I just losing the plot!?
Whatever...
I returned to work on a part time basis 17 days after my last Chemo, it's lovely to be back after nearly 3 months off, my colleagues make me laugh and it's good to have some structure and normality that doesn't revolve around hospitals. I'm doing three full days a week, tried to do two days in a row but this was a little too much.
Next week my husband and I have a mini break to Brussells booked, so something to look forward to, we are taking the Eurostar so should be an easy journey...
You know, the one everyone talks about!
The one that any one of us could be hit by!
That bus that some how is meant to make a Cancer diagnosis, easier to deal with!
You know the bus that could hit me tomorrow, whereas I could live with Secondary Cancer for Years!
That bus that could kill any of us without warning!
SCARY thought? Actually no!
You see if I were to be hit by a bus, I would know very little about it! I would be gone! Life ended, all over.
Instead I live every day with a disease that...
So yesterday was an early start , bright, sunny cold and wintery. Off to the local farm shop and greengrocer, skidding on the icy roads was a reminder that it's winter ..., but what was so great was the feeling that life was good , and I found such pleasure in doing such ordinary things , for the first time since I found a lump in my breast i felt properly happy , calm , chilled , not really sure how to describe it , but it was great ! This week would be my three weekly Herceptin injection , but...
I’ve already written about what I refer to as ‘The Little Op’ which was my Pelvic EAU and Lymphadectomy (here and here) and now I’m going to be writing about what I refer to as ‘The Big Op,’ which happened nine days afterwards.
I’ve already mentioned ‘The Big Op’ in passing a few times, but I’m going to be writing about it in more detail. And because I have a lot to say (when don’t I?) I’m going to break this into three parts. This is easier for you, the reader...
Somrtimes I feel..........
LONELY........ In a room full of people!
SAD........... when everyone around me is happy!
SCARED........ that things will never be good again!
WORRIED........ that this is as good as it gets!
FRUSTRATED...... because no one is listening to me!
ANNOYED.......... because no one understands!
HAPPY........... that I am still here!
APPRECIATIVE...... of the friends I have made!
ANGRY.......... for the life I have lost!
GRATEFUL.........for the future I still have!
TIRED.......
