You know, the one everyone talks about!
The one that any one of us could be hit by!
That bus that some how is meant to make a Cancer diagnosis, easier to deal with!
You know the bus that could hit me tomorrow, whereas I could live with Secondary Cancer for Years!
That bus that could kill any of us without warning!
SCARY thought? Actually no!
You see if I were to be hit by a bus, I would know very little about it! I would be gone! Life ended, all over.
Instead I live every day with a disease that could decide at any point to start spreading and to slowly destroy my body and life! When might that happen? No idea! Do I worry about it every minute of every day? No! But is it always there at the back of my mind? Yes! Does that make life tough sometimes? Yes! Are there times when I wish that bus would just do its thing? Yes!!
So please my so called friends, please don't try and tell me that things could be worse, because I am not stupid, I know they could. At the same time, things could be a hell of a lot better! So please allow me to have days when I need to be ANGRY, FRUSTRATED and ANNOYED with the world!
I might look like I am okay on the outside! But behind that smile is someone living every day with side effects from treatment and pain meds! Someone who struggles to get through everyday! Someone who is trying hard to keep up with everyone around them! Someone who just needs someone, anyone to listen and to truly hear what they are saying!
Having Secondary Breast Cancer might not be the Death Sentence it used to be, but as far as I'm concerned it's.......
KNOW BL**DY PICNIC IN THE PARK EITHER!
I'm sorry if I can't find that genuine smile everyday and I'm sorry if I sometimes feel grumpy or tired. Just remember I might look like I'm a swan gracefully swimming along the river, but under the water my legs are paddling like mad, just to stay afloat!
