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Yesterday, as some of you have read, was a bad day in general. Really ended up feeling I am living a life on my own. And what with insensitive aliens, grey wet weather etc etc felt really down. Self-pity - ah, I hate it. Couldn't settle so stayed up far too late. Ended up watching a repeat of The Choir. Was tired anyway, so why do I start watching TV about 11pm!!! Then there was a cheesy film with a baby-faced Kevin Costner, so an old film then. Ugh. Finally went to bed about 3pm. How stupid am I...
Before you say anything, yes I know it's a lousy first title. I'll try and do better in the future.
So, here I am. 28, Christian, relatively healthy compared to the rest of the nation, attempting to run my own business and doing fairly well, making progress with it all. I have loads of friends at work and in my church, and am often referred to as the happiest and loudest person anyone has ever met. I am the guy who looks on the bright side, cheers others up when they're down and is generally...
Nan has deteriated so scarily quick. She has lost the ability to use one of her arms properly, she can barely speak and refuses to eat or drink properly. We think it's only hours now, not long. I am torn, part of me knows she needs to rest and be free of pain but the other half doesn't want to lose her. I am just waiting for the call with the bad news. I am so scared. My mum is at the hospital and refuses to leave but I can't stay for long without wanting to run out and break down. I visited her...
Last week as a result of a colonoscopy my wife was diagnosed with a potential cancerous mass in the caecum adjacent to the appendix.
On Monday she had a CT scan with contrast and weighting. I am an ocular melanoma sufferer and the preferred scan method for detection of mets from OM is MRI with contrast. I appreciate that the likely presence of melanin in OM related mets makes it the better method but just 1 month ago I attended a presentation by one of the leading practitioners of scan methods and...
Daddy was diagnosed with cancer in June 2012. Initially we thought it was just in his kidney. To cut a long stort short its not, its RCC which has spread to his lungs, and brain and recently been told its in his lymph glands. His brain is the worst affected with multiple tumours. He had whole brain radiotherapy which didnt manage to shrink the tumours. Last week he started sutent. He is extremely tired and very weak at the minute. I am confused about how i feel, i thought i had come to terms with...
Writing this listening to Mozart C Minor Mass - the most exquisitely beautiful and joyful and also searingly painful music and singing. Got to thinking, 'How does that happen?' 'Why is that?' 'Aint that weird.'
Like Life - the laughter/tears etc Remembered when my man was dying in the hospice, how the sky was bluer than I've ever seen it before, the butterflies were more beautiful, the flowers more stunning, love deeper and easier but oh so much more painful. And music -...
I'd never religiously checked my balls, I opted for a more "when I remember" policy, this probably meant I'd check once every six months or so. Anyway by chance I did a little stock take one Sunday night whilst laying in bed. It was then that I found a small lump on the back of my right testicle, probably no bigger than a rice crispy. After the initial panic and double check, I (with the aid of google) self diagnosed an epididymal cyst. I thought it best to get a professional opinion and made an...
Well - I set myself a little test or two.
On Friday, went in to my D's place of work - something I had to do and couldn't put off any longer. He had retired 4 years earlier, but it was always his place, as far as we were concerned. As soon as I reached the entrance, I knew it was going to be hard. Got up the stairs and lost it. The receptionists were lovely, and we were all in tears. Half expected D to pop out with a big smile, but of course I knew he wouldn't. And there was the source of my sadness...
