Daddy was diagnosed with cancer in June 2012. Initially we thought it was just in his kidney. To cut a long stort short its not, its RCC which has spread to his lungs, and brain and recently been told its in his lymph glands. His brain is the worst affected with multiple tumours. He had whole brain radiotherapy which didnt manage to shrink the tumours. Last week he started sutent. He is extremely tired and very weak at the minute. I am confused about how i feel, i thought i had come to terms with the fact that he was dying. Now i keep getting positive feelings and feelings of hope, i dont know if its because i constantly prepare myself for the worst but when i have the feelings of being positive i always get angry with myself. I lost my mother last year very suddenly to a heart attack and since then i feel very negative about most things. I feel guilty about the little i am able to do for Daddy but i also feel pushed out by other family members who are now his full time carers. I am married and have 4 children so im quite busy but i get out to see daddy every few days and would like to do more practical things to help him but when i try everyone seems to have every thing covered. even a few nights ago i managed to get out quite late at night, when i was there my younger sister who still lives at home was waiting on a phone call from the Sutent nurse as daddys temperature had risen. When she spoke to the nurse she said we had to get him to hospital asap. I wanted to take him but quite bluntly sis told me she was taking him and not to be ridiculous it wasnt practical for me to take him ( the hospital is 30miles away). It was causing friction and daddy was starting to ask questions so i left it and let her take him. When i message them to find out how he is at home they get frustrated and say please stop messaging he is fine and if there is anything we will let you know. I dont think they understand how frustrating it is not being there all the time. AHHHHHH i feel myself getting stressed now even talking about it.
