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Two years ago tomorrow I finished the last of 30 RT sessions. The two intravenous session of chemotherapy had also been completed. It was a hellish time. I could not eat or drink, because swallowing was just too agonisingly painful. The worst memory I have though is of vomiting up buckets of mucus from the burns in my throat. This would happen in unpredictable fashion and it seemed to go on forever.
All memories fade and distort after time. But some aspects remain vivid - the mucus, the scraping...
In my last blog post (written about ten million years ago when dinosaurs walked the earth) I referred to the fact that I was messing up the time-space continuum by doing my posts out of sync with the timeline.
In keeping with that I am Quantum Leaping all over the place and messing it all up again. If you don’t have the faintest clue what I am referring to then you should be ashamed of yourselves because you are missing out. Here. Go here.
I promise I will get around to the two posts that I...
a good few days - marred only by a cough and cold - now abating
Hoping coming week will see me in continuing good form (if a tad tired) ahead of rchop 3
Good to feel reasonably fit at this stage
The fact of my bladder tumour is sinking in. When I first was told nine days ago I cried. I cried the next day too. It was intermittent. By the third day I was really calm and have been that way until now. Having the pre-op appointment was the beginning of reality setting in. Thinking about the scans on Monday is also affecting my sense of the reality of the situation. My partner is also feeling it. We both got upset this morning about how my dog Stiggy will cope. I asked Dean to put my pillow and...
I went for my pre-op appointment yesterday, it all went well. I answered a lot of questions, had my heart tested, my pulse taken, my blood pressure checked and a blood sample taken. All is well, I am healthy - apart from the obvious. I have a Ct full torso scan on Monday morning checking chest, abdomin and pelvis. I pray it finds no more lumps anywhere. I have another appointment for an ultrasound scan of bladder and kidneys in the afternoon to see if it has spread. I pray that shows nothing too...
I always knew that the best rucaparib had to offer was a window. I'm grateful it has given me one - but we now have the first signs that the window may be closing.
As I've written before, my consultant tracks the progress of the cancer by measuring a blood protein called CA125 that goes up and down as the cancer waxes and wanes. It is a funny protein that can rise in response to other stresses to do with the menstrual cycle or inflammation or other gynae conditions and it is not always a good...
We had an appointment for a seminar on how to get Arts Council grants. Neither of us felt like going, what with my pre-op tomorrow, so we decided to take a rain check on that; who knows what the future holds? At this moment we just want to spend all our time with each other and Stiggy. Just as well. We are expecting two items in the post, Special Delivery, and neither has arrived. We have a tracking number for one thing but the Royal Mail tracking site doesn't recognise the number. Rather perplexing...
I was in the shower this morning and decided (while washing my naked scalp) to write an Ode to Hair Loss...it sort of started off making me a bit sad and then I laughed, because as we all know - without laugher, we would curl up and lay in bed fretting and that won't get us anywhere! Off to oncologist in an hour to find a miracle cure for my aching legs and veins.
I thought I wouldn’t miss it much
I thought I wouldn’t care
I’d always worn it short, you see
‘Til chemo took my...
Just an update , saw my oncologist today and she says my oestrogen is extremely low (very good) but my brain signals are still not switching off my ovaries - I am 52 you would think they would have given up by now ! So another set of blood tests in 3 months to check again and may have the option of injection or oophrectomy to remove my ovaries - what she did say was that she would still keep me on Tamoxifen as recent reports suggest staying on this longer when you are borderline or just into the...
I can't believe it's only been five days! It feels like weeks. Nothing has happened but it feels like weeks. I'm so calm, Dean too. I am also being practical. I am making sure we have a weekly bus ticket each from tomorrow in case we need the hospital for any reason. I am also determined to use the ticket every afternoon. We can enjoy each other's company whilst exploring the city. It will be fun. I want to build more good memories, just in case.
Also just in case I will be getting...
