Hi my husband has just finished treatment for throat cancer and we will see the consultant again soon , we have not seen anyone for 4 months since his treatment stopped and he has been smoking and drinking with no one to tell him off except me , he smoked all through his radiotherapy even though they told him not too as the treatment might not work , since stopping treatment he has lost 5 stone , developed a cough and just does not look or sound right to me , his breathing sounds odd , like the noise you make if you blow into a bottle , I just don’t know what’s next , how do other family members cope , its all left to me and I just feel done and can’t take anymore
Hi and welcome to the community, though sorry to hear about your husband.
The grip smoking has on people is very strong, my mother smoked for most of her life and only stopped in the end because she ended up in hospital for over 6 months after breaking her hip, then her leg and catching MRSA - they never thought she would get out, but she had the last laugh.
How does anyone cope when they see a family member doing something they think might be self destructive - the only thing I can come up with is we cannot change others but can only change the way we react.
Often when people get a cancer diagnosis it can feel like a death sentence. One we often see on here is where someone with cancer says they cannot eat.
You did great coming on here, we understand how hard it is because often we live with exactly these things every day. Perhaps it might help to sit and talk with your husband and do what you started out with - a partnership because it is not just you. If might help to talk to your GP or the helpline here too. With the right support for us we can find a strength we never knew we had.
<<hugs>>
Steve
