I’m scared of losing my mum

Hi and welcome to the community though sorry to hear what you are going through.

You are absolutely right that everyone deals with things differently and when cancer comes in to our life we can feel very disconnected. With the loss of that close friend too I can see how you must feel even more alone. So glad you have come here though as one real positive is we can connect to people who understand cancer, that step alone may be something that can help you feel more connected.

If you look at Looking after someone with cancer I would hope you see that being scared is not at all unusual but also that there are people who are willing to help.

I have two sisters and one brother but it has to be said I am much closer to my eldest sister than the others, though of course I have a wife and son too.

What kind of cancer does your mum have? We have lots of groups for different types and many can be cured; in my wife's case that was not to be but her cancer is stable and has been that way for 6 years. I know thought when she was first diagnosed it felt like the end of my world - now we are living with cancer.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hiya indianajones,

You're right, we all deal with things differently and Steve's given you some great advice.  I was in a similar situation back in 2013 / 14 with my mum.  I was living a few hours away when I found out and ended up moving back home to care for her.  I found that it was easier for me to concentrate on what needed to be done and not think about how I was feeling which didn't serve me well once everything was said and done.  I had my husband who followed me back home a few months later, so yes I talked to him a bit, but I had already gotten into the mindset of 'deal with it' which wasn't great. 

My brother and sister acted completely different, and I think I started to resent them a bit for it which was daft of me.  If I could do it all again, I would speak to my siblings because not only were they hurting just as much as I was, but they are literally the only people that could understand what we were going through.

Something that I was actually advised on here back then which I now appreciate so so incredibly much is to talk to your mum, but remember that she's still the same old mum that you grew up with.

Sometimes it can be easier to speak to faceless strangers online, and this community is truly fantastic, but I would at least attempt to speak to your siblings, you never know how positive an experience it could be.

Good luck with everything, and have a Merry Merry Ho Ho with your mum,

Nic x x