Partner has cancer and feeling lost

Hi, my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in July of this year. The cancer is in his lungs, bones of his back and spine, and also in lymph nodes. The biggest problem is they cannot locate the primary source. This is bad because they dont know what therapy will target the cancer. He has had 2 sessions of what I call “generic Chemo” Carboplaxin/Taxol. He just had a CT scan and its actually shrinking some of the nodes but the lung lesion stayed the same. At least no new growth....I understand what your saying about friends..a lot of people barely speak to us anymore. I understand they feel sad and dont know what to say. Anyways, in a lot of ways I feel in shock over it all..Im 60 and hubby will be 65 in January. We are so close to being retired together and now our future is suddenly ...iffy. Remember being very young and walking up to another kid in the playground and saying “ lets be friends?” ..LOL Lets be friends! Sending you a big virtual hug...love, Kim

Hi, 

certainly know how you are feeling. My other half diagnosed with same cancer in July 19. Like your husband had several rounds of chemo. Was holding things at bay (can’t operate as couple of nodes outside of op area) so we are in a holding pattern waiting to see what next steps or other treatments offered. looks like some bad activity going on at the mo so waiting to hear / see next steps  

for myself the worse bit is my husband doesn’t want me sharing with close friends or family what’s going on as it is happening (he prefers to share when resolved and has the “story” known/understood)  problem is that leaves me with no one to talk to, and all the worry/stress. I’ve had no option for my own sanity and health but to share with 1 or 2 people. And he hasn’t shared with anyone how serious and likely prognosis  

plus I’m scared sh**less of the palliative stage and of course of the “end” 

Hi good to hear from you. I dont understand why anyone has to go through this cancer or why it choose our loved ones. I dont think Ill get an answer to that question in my mind this side of heaven. All I know is we have to stay strong for our hubbys. Yes its a lot on us but its so much worse to be them. To a big extent our lives have hit a brick wall. I am a planner and all of the sudden I am forced to live day by day and hour by hour...its a lot to adjust to. Stay strong, pray, let your loved one know he can count on you and you are with him for the long haul. We are scarred..but they are terried...love and hugs, Kim

I need friends qt this moment. Just need people to speak to.

My husband had to go into hospital in Monday evening as he was getting extreme numbness in his legs and feet.

He was kept in overnight and given some medication. The doctor said they will have to review his chemotherapy as he might be too weak to receive it.So we've been told to wait for the next chemotherapy session.This was his first one in the 2nd round of chemotherapy. 

He looks weak and he is saying hes in pain I just don't know how to help him.

He is unable to keep food down too.

I can understand how you feel as my husband doesn't want any of our neighbours to know and they all keep saying he's list so much weight.

I think its so important to offload and to share your feelings.

Please feel free to have a chat with me anytime. 

Thank you for those words of strength.Im like you I lije to organise my calender months in advance and now I just don't know where I stand and whats going to be next?

Im trying hard to keep busy and to live swy by day but its so difficult. 

I feel resentful towards life sometimes. 

I know what you mean...I remember a line from a movie where the husband lost his wife in an auto accident they were in together. He said something like...” Its as if the universe looked around and said, ‘ ohh theres a happy couple, lets see how I can destroy their life’”  I am trying to just enjoy the time I have with him and let him know its my pleasure to take care of him I never want him to feel like he is a burden, because he isnt.

So true. 

You're doing a great job and the main thing is just being there with them through their journey.

But remember to look after yourself too because you need support too.

Hi, I am so so sorry for what you are going through! I wanted to reach out, my dad was recently diagnosed with throat/pallet cancer and in the last month we have gone from low stage to 50% chance of cure to its spread and incurable! Right now we don’t know what “incurable” means, I hope it means years, as many as possible! I don’t know what’s next but I know I felt for you when I ready what you are going through, I’m sending love x