Hi everyone,
I wanted to share some devastating news today that our family received today, my mother was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer. This was after an emergancy surgery after a discovery of mass in the uterus in February this year, though further analysis determined this was not primary, though a secondary cancer from her breast cancer diagnosis in February 2020. She also had 2 other diagnosises of breast cancer 17 years ago.
I'm in my early 30's, and to hear about this diagnosis has devasted my family yet again, though this time to be told it's incurable is something we're all struggling to process. My mum is in her late 60's, and has appeared to have given up all hope. She's a very scared person and has has so much fear for 17 years. It's heartbreaking to see her go through this constant battle which keeps coming back. My dad and brother are amazing support to my mum and the family, which we're all so grateful for, However I am struggling to cope with this, the fear and harrowing thoughts of our family being torn apart. It's especially tough during this period, since her chemotherapy treatment starts next week, my brother and I don't even know when we get to even see her next (we haven't seen our parents since early March before the lockdown).
We've made our parents know how much we love them and support them, though I can't control the endless thoughts going through my head since her incurable cancer was confirmed. I have so many uncertainties, unanswered questions, unsure how long she has left to live nor how to cope, let alone support her in this way. We're such a close family unit that it hurts us all.
Any thoughts, advice or sharing similar experiences would help so much. Our family is going through another huge episode of heartache, and I struggle to see how we will get through this one.
Thank you <3 xx
Hi and welcome to the online community
I'm very sorry to read that you've recently discovered that your mum has secondary breast cancer and I'm not surprised that you're struggling with this diagnosis.
I know that being told that the cancer is not curable will have come as a tremendous shock but lots of people live with an incurable diagnosis for a long time. You might like to take a look at this thread from the secondary breast cancer group called 'positive secondary breast cancer stories' to see all the positive stories. Maybe you could show your mum to.
It's important that you take time to look after yourself and don't try and be strong for everyone else at the expense of you own health. You might like to take a look at this information from Macmillan on your feelings when someone has cancer and also this on how to look after yourself.
Could I suggest another group which you might find helpful to join. It's the supporting someone with incurable cancer group which is a safe and supportive place to discuss your emotions as well as talk about practical issues around caring for your mum.
To join just click on the link I've created and then choose 'join this group' on the page that opens. You can then introduce yourself and post questions after selecting 'start a discussion' and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.
When you feel up to it, it would be really useful if you could pop something about your mum's journey so far into your profile as it really helps others when answering or looking for someone with a similar diagnosis. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Edit Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.
Sending a supportive (((hug)))
"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"
