My mum's diagnosis

Hi I'm. Going through the same with my mum. I just feel helpless and hate to see her going through this. But I manage to pull myself together when I speak to it see her, I don't know how but I do. Obviously she's shielded atm so when I go to. Do her shopping I video call her and take her virtually around the shop to choose what she wants,, I have siblings and other family and we all have our times of the day to call or face time and just chat. And actually my mum likes to here other peoples problems and talk to them about ut as she says it takes her away from what's going on in her life. So I do the usual moaning about day to day things to her and she loves that, just keeping things as normal as possible I guess. This is all new to me. So I'm learning all the time what helps what dosent help I don't think there's any right or wrong really. I'm happy to chat if you need an outlet x

Thank you, it's great to hear from you! Apart from her updating me on scans and appointments, we don't really talk about the bad news but I'm not sure whether that's so she can take her mind off of it and like you said, hear other people's problems. It's the worst time for this to happen as I know the one thing she would like is us and her grandchildren running around, laughing and having BBQs and that makes this situation much worse. I'm also due to go back to work soon which I'm dreading and I usually love my job. Do you find it reassuring to talk to your family and friends? 

Thanks x

Do you know if your mum talks to anyone else maybe a friend? About things that maybe she feels she is protecting you from having to. Listen to? My mum has a friend that I know she will talk to about things like that more than she does to us kids, esp my siblings as I go to every apointment and take every phone call for her as she finds it hard to take in what they say to her. I've worked thru the whole time as I'm a support worker and actually I know you say a your dreading it, but I find it a welcome distraction that my mind is concentrating on something else even if just for a few hours etc. I shielded my children and as a family made the decision that mum could see them as its a huge pick up for her esp as she lives alone too!! I personally find it hard to talk to anyone about my worries or concerns regarding mum I let little Things out and keep other things to myself. But I've always been the same. But then I do have the occasional times where it all just gets too much and it all comes out. And I do find it better to do that so if you can then I'd suggest you did it may help, even if it's someone you don't know, I sometimes find it easier to type than say it out loud and someone I don't know but understands what I'm going thru. X

She is very close with her sisters and my dad so that's good for her. We've decided to go for dinner in the garden one day so I'm looking forward to that. Next plan is for her to see the grandchildren. Definitely writing things down helps get it all out to someone who understands is supportive. I do agree, maybe working will keep me busy. 

Is that difficult for you to take the phonecalls and appointments? Maybe I should suggest this to her as I can imagine getting bad news from a doctor is very difficult to process x

Hi dinner in the garden will be nice, taking the phone calls etc isn't easy but I wouldn't have it any other way as like you say the news over the phone isn't great. My mum dosent take everything in that they're saying so she speaks to the consultants first then I speak to them so they can explain everything and I can ask the questions etc and then explain it better to mum. Or if mums not up to talking she asks them to call me if I'm not there or I will answer if I am. They always like ro check in with mum regardless just to see how she is.  I find it helps with my own anxieties too.  Do you have your mum's cancer nurses phone number? Even if your mum is happy to take these calls then you could always with your mum's permission talk to her nurses, these guys are worth their weight in gold and have helped me with anything ive needed.

Feel free to message me if you want to get ut all out if you feel like things are tough. Make every moment with your mum count and do everything that she finds pleasure in. X

This is a good idea to speak to the cancer nurses. She takes the calls herself and I want to know more information but don't want to bombard her with questions. Do you have a good support system and speak to people about how you are feeling? Yes, that's what me and my sister were talking about. Making sure she's doing what she loves! She has a holiday in UK booked in a couple of months with the grandchildren so I hope she can go on that! X

Hi sorry for the late reply, yes I do have people I can talk to altho I only talk to a few as I find it difficult and I also find ut easier to talk to people that are more realistic about things rather than to sit and tell me everything's going to be fine when I kniw it's not. I know people try to make me feel better but I do have to say now no that's not the reality of the situation. We should gave all gone away last week but obviously due to the pandemic it was cancelled. Did you manage to go for dinner with your mum?