Helping my mum

FormerMember over 5 years ago

1 reply
16 subscribers
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Hi everyone, my mum was recently diagnosed with cancer and since the diagnosis she has had surgery and a few rounds of chemo. I am trying to help care for her emotionally and whilst Covid 19 is carrying on helping her with shopping etc as she lives alone. Recently she has become very angry at the world and is lashing out to family. I understand the best I can that this is all part of the journey but I am not sure how to help her through it. I have said that she can ring day or night to rant and we can talk. She speaks to the Macmillan team anyway each week and they help but she is getting more vindictive and really nasty (This can be normal behavior for her but it feels more nasty than usual) One day she will speak to us and the next day she wont pick up the phone or answer messages so we give her space for the day and try again the next but then we are shouted at for not trying hard enough with our support. I am at a loss as to how to help her anymore.

Nmar1 over 5 years ago

Hi Blue Diamond

It is so difficult for friends and family to know exactly what to do for the best. When my mum was diagnosed with cancer in December I was given the advice to just be there for her, and that's what I would advise for you also. Perhaps counselling would help? Would she be receptive to this? Macmillan may be able to help you there. Have you spoken/ are you able to speak to her about her anger. My mum was very angry after her diagnosis, and much of that stemmed from the anxiety and the steroids, but also because she felt out of control and scared. When she got angry I would either calmly leave and call her later when she had calmed down, or try to talk rationally to her about how she was feeling, trying to acknowledge why she would be angry. But that is easier said than done sometimes, and will depend on the kind pf relationship that you have. Is it still quite early since the diagnosis? People do need time to accept and come to terms with what is happening to them. I think doing the practical things is exactly the right direction to take, and I think you just have to keep listening and trying to help her move forward.

I hope that we will soon be able to spend time with our families so that we can give them even more emotional support because it is even harder doing it from a distance isn't it.

Take care

Nicola

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