I live in Scotland so care might be different in other parts of the UK.
In 4 days it will have been 2 years since my grandad passed. He had skin cancer and fought for 13 years before it took him.
I have severe depression from childhood abuse and neglect, then a separate case of abuse from my late teens when my partner almost killed me, so I'm not the most stable person at the best of times. I'm also sick but not with cancer, anyone interested enough will find that on my profile.
My maternal grandparents, which I only ever had one set of, were my safe place. The only place I could laugh and be a child. I've never recovered from losing my grandad.
I found out a few weeks ago that my mother has colon cancer which has spread and is growing in her liver. This has been explained by a Macmillan nurse that she's likely stage 4. I'm 33 and she was the one who neglected me. I was an unwanted child which stuck her to an abusive alcoholic.
But still it hurts, for years and years I reached out but she is a cold closed off person. Even now I'm still texting and calling with little reply.
I cry all the time for what she's going through, I want her to be my mum and I want to be there for her but she wont let me. She specifically told my Nana (her mum) not to tell me but she told my younger sister, who was loved and cared for. She goes out with my sister, my sister takes her to doctors and chemo.
I was always the strong one in the household, I'd get in the middle and take the hits for my mum and protect or distract him away from her. My sister remembers none of this and hates me. I've tried to reconcile with her while my grandad was in hospice and she called me vile names and stormed off.
Now that mum is sick I've called her twice and was ignored so sent her messages on whatsapp to work things out but to still be ignored. I can't understand why she hates me when I protected her.
I feel unbearable guilt because I don't know if I'm hurting so bad because I might lose my mother soon or if its because I'm still on the outside and I'll never have a chance to have a mum.
My half sister had a brain tumour, my dad had a stroke and throat cancer, my grandad started with skin cancer and now my mum has colon and liver cancer. I feel like the worst person in the world but is it genetic? Can I end up with a form too?
All the hurt over grandad has come right back to the surface from the tiny layer it was behind. Now I feel doubly as bad as my mum is sick too.
How do I reach her and help her? How can I help myself emotionally? Please someone help me.
Hi...I can’t help you, but didn’t want you to feel alone. I’m sorry you are feeling so much pain and confusion. You are doing the best thing by talking about how you are feeling. Perhaps give your local MacMillan a call and see if they can offer you any support?
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