Dad looks like he’s given up

FormerMember over 6 years ago

2 replies
16 subscribers
1588 views

Last week my Dad was put into a nursing home for him to have the last weeks in there as he was living alone. I went to see him the day after his arrival and he was fine, he wanted to go home but was happy in his new room. On Tuesday the doctor went to see him to talk about a DNR he at first said he wanted to be brought back but when the doctor told him that because of his age (late 70’s) his medical problems (has diabetes and end stage pancreatic cancer) that it would be nasty for him so he reluctantly has agreed to take the doctors advice and sign the form. Since then he has withdrawn into himself, he won’t talk to anyone, he won’t eat or drink, he’s stopped the nurses giving him medication apart from his insulin. The nurse said at the moment he is not in pain. Also all he’s doing is sitting in his chair and won’t lie on his bed. He’s being very rude to the nurses who are trying to help him. I’m 4.5 hours away from him and going to see him tomorrow but I just don’t know what to do. Is this it? Has he just given up? Has anyone else had a family member go through this? He could have had a few weeks but now he’s refusing food etc I fear it’s only a matter of days.

latchbrook over 6 years ago

You sound very worried about your dad and it must be doubly hard for you as you live so far away. However, I'm hoping that since writing this things have improved but, if not, by replying to you it will bump your post back to the top of the page where someone who has the experience you need may see it and reply.

I'm also going to tag my fellow Community Champions src60 and into my reply as they look after this group and might be able to offer some suggestions.

"Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"

FormerMember over 6 years ago

Hey welcome to the community although I'm sorry for the reason you find yourself here. I'm so sorry to hear about your dads diagnosis, my heart goes out to you all at this difficult time.

Unfortunately, because us ourselves, like you and me, have never been at the end of life, we wont know how your dad is truly feeling. I know it's hard to try to understand, my Nan gave up exactly the same way and distanced herself from us grandchildren, because she thought itd be easier for us then when she had gone. It wasnt any easier, but that's what she thought would help. So to answer your question, I dont think anyone knows when someone has truly given up. Its horrible telling you this because I want to be some help and some kind of comfort to you, but only your dad knows how he is feeling.

Maybe when you see him again, in general conversation, just ask him why he doesnt seem to be eating etc but ask in a way that sounds as though it's just a general chat, it may make him feel more at ease talking about it. But you're in such a difficult position right now, and I know how hard it is when you feel like someone you adore is giving up, because you just want them to continue to fight and fight to be here.

I'm not sure if I've been much help, but I hope in some way you get some comfort from this. My heart literally breaks for you and what you're going through right now, and I have no right words to say. But just know you'll never be alone, we are always here for you, and you know where to find me whenever you want to talk.

Lots of love and hugs to you, your dad and family,

Alex xxx

More from this forum

Dad looks like he’s given up