Father has prostate cancer and is spreading

I can kind of relate as I have to keep a lid on my emotions in front of my young children when all I want to do is hide and cry. It’s feels surreal on the school run when everyone’s laughing and cheerful and has no idea how much effort it’s taking me to get though it with a smile on my face. But I let it all out in the evenings. My husband doesn’t quite know what to say or do, but I only need him to listen and give me a hug. What’s making you feel that you can’t talk to your wife? 

I guess as I’m a bloke it’s not the Done thing to share my emotions and feelings about it, I think I’d rather suffer on my own and try and get by. Silly as my temper seems to run away with me at work and I snap at colleges very easily. Noticing it more and more now but they know at work so let it be. I’m not nasty but just vent my frustration out.

I need to sit down with somebody outside my circle of family and friends and talk about it. When I talk to the wife about it she starts crying and gets all emotional about it and I can’t see her like that so hence keeping it bottled inside. 

Really need to sort my head out as it’s going to do me in constantly thinking about it. 

Ok so another knock back, they have decided to stop chemo treatments as it’s not getting the results that they wanted. My father gave me an emotional phone call telling me to make sure my mother is looked after in the event of him passing. I let my emotions out that night and keep playing the conversation in my mind, the distress in his voice and the sadness that he was feeling. Since that night I have not forgotten it and it’s constantly playing on my mind. I need to sit down and talk to an outsider about how I’m not coping with it and release some anger issues I have over it. I’m not violent but angry about the situation. Am I the only one who feels like this , it’s killing me inside.judt want to go away for a while and sort myself out and then be with my dad for a while.

Hello, I’m so sorry to hear about your situation, please call the McMillan helpline and see if they can arrange for you to speak to someone face to face or even just on the phone - I did this when I was stressing about my dad, and it really helped. They helped me to understand that it’s okay to be angry, and sad, and anything else you’re feeling - I was trying to be logical and practical, but you need to acknowledge your emotions too - why wouldn’t you be sad and angry at such a horrible situation? Putting it all out there made it less intense, so I was better able to support my dad and be kind to myself afterwards. It’s daunting speaking to a stranger, but they won’t judge, and they don’t get upset, as a family member would, so it can be quite a relief, in a strange way. I hope this is helpful, take care.

Ok been a while but he lasted till Saturday 2nd March after being admitted to hospital the Sunday before with bad breathing. Turns out he had sepsis and pneumonia. Was in hospital all week and I only saw him once before he passed away peacefully. I’m absolutely devastated but glad he’s not suffering or in pain any more. Only wish I had seen him more than once in hospital but I didn’t want to see him and remember him that way. At least he’s not suffering now. I’m happy that the people who made him comfortable were there and he went in his sleep. Like I said absolutely devastated but he will always be in my heart and thoughts. 

Hi.  I am so sorry to hear of your sad news. It is still a shock when the time comes.  I can quite understand you not wanting to see him and to remember him as he was.  I too was in the same boat when it came to my dad - I could not go and see him whilst he was passing, as I was celebrating my 65th birthday miles away.  He went very quickly without any warning .  My mum has passed 2 weeks ago too, she went unexpectedly and I live one and half hours away so would not have made it in time.  Still very sad as I did not say my goodbyes to either of my parents.  I have fond memories to hang onto.  Once again I send my condolences to you and wish you the best.

Thank you, this group has been a good source of support and I’m still lost without him. Haven’t spoken to him since the end of February and that’s when I last saw him. Funeral was a very weird day and I haven’t really cried or grieved properly yet. Time will tell but I often talk to him when I’m in my garage working on an old car he wanted me to buy before he passed away so I know he’s not here but can still chat like he is. Often talking out loud to him, anyone listening must think I’m mad but I don’t care , I’m talking to my dad and that won’t stop me doing it. Just need to adjust and take each day as it comes now before I do break down and cry my heart out. 

I can relate to how you feel.  My mum's funeral was 2 weeks ago but I still talk to her photos regularly.  Carry on doing it yourself if it gives you comfort.  It is still early days.  My thoughts are with you.