My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Don't cry, lovely Lynne

you and your prince will never be separated in your heart; I know, because I'll never be separated from mine either.

Sue xx

napoleon sends his love

Thanks Sue just having a tearful day today xx A big hug to Patricia for tommorow too xxxx

Lynne - your need is greater than mine so take my place towards the middle of the huddle - and Patricia too.......... Sue??  Sue??  Are you waddling in there as well??????  We can have a ((((((((((((group hug))))))))))))) xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lynne, sending you lots of virtual hugs.  Who knows if we will have a happy ending.  Wully always said to me that life had other things in mind for him and I and we had to take seperate paths.  Not sure why but one day I hope I will find the answer.  I just know that it sucks.  Sorry I can't offer any comfort but know that we all think of you and each other every day and there are people who care for you very, very much.  I feel honoured to have made such a lovely friend. 

I have not had any tears yet today so that is always a good sign but still incredibly low.  Need a good kick up the backside!  I am not a hugely spiritual person but do think there is something else out there and always remember the saying that God will only make you endure what you can cope with.  Well I think someone needs to let him know that I am at the limit of coping :-)  He needs to stop and send some happiness my way and to Lynnes and to all you penguins.  We deserve it.  Roll on the meet ladies!

Gayle xx

((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))) for you too Gayle.....xxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Gayle , wise words hun , i've always believed that i still have a life to live it's just hard sometimes to keep the faith . I went to a friends house last night and one did the tarot cards for3 of us , and 1 of the card for me said something on the lines of , that this period of unsettledness (is that a word) is only a tiny iota of what life has to offer . I'll try and keep believing that . I feel honoured to have made a friend in you too Gayle , you are a special lady . Yes roll on the meet xxxx

Huge ((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))) for you all.
Love Quill xxxxxxx

Hello everyone.  I have made loads of notes from all your posts while I have been away.  I am so glad I went to see my brother this weekend.  He and his 3 children have had a terrible time recently as his partner of 25 years had an affair and left him.  I don't want to judge her for that but she has caused him so much trauma by treating him very badly for many years - this only came to light when the affair became apparent.  He is beginning to get his life back on track.  Counselling has helped him to realise he is not a bad person but it is so bad that he ever felt like that.  I got to his at 7pm on Friday.  We went to his local for a couple of pints of local cider (Somerset - so they are going to be good at cider aren't they?).  I think I worried him slightly when I drank my cider in pints - I'm from the north!!!  We had a nice meal and then on Saturday night I went to a charity concert raising money for a local children cancer cupport charity.  All of his three children are talented musicians and each had a part.  It was a lovely concert and then we had Indian on the way home.  I forgot how long it is since I had Indian as there never seems any point now there is only me.  Today we had a nice pub lunch with the kids and the eldest's boyfriend then I drove home.  I have had such a busy weekend there has been no dodgy breathing at all.  My brother is a doctor (of science not medicine) and he took my laptop while I was there and spent hours making it work much faster.  I have had a lovely weekend but feel very very tearful that such a lovely man has had such a hard time.  The 400 mile round trip was well worth it.

Judi I am so glad you enjoyed the ball.  I will find out the difference between  ball and a dance for my next post!  What a giggle you falling off the shoes though.  Fiona Charlie sounds like such a charmer and coming on so much if he can do so much splashing.  It was a shame the lady made the comment she did but you did right to carry on.  I know exactly what you must have been thinking.  It is a rock and a hard place isn't it?  Well done for not letting it spoil your night too much. 

Lynne you have had me in tears tonight when I read you story of the fair maiden.  Supporting my brother this weekend has given me a bit of a respite from my own situation but I am home with a bump this evening and your tale was so poignant.  I really hope you are okay this evening.  Gayle I think I should just send you lots of love and ((((((hugs)))))) x.

Sorry - as I have been away all weekend this is likely to be far too long a post - I have missed you all so much x

Lesley I hope you back is feeling a little better.  Take care of yourself so that you are feeling better by the 13th march.  Rosemary I am so glad to hear you have sorted out Sam's transportation while she is at the academy.  I really don't like the tube when it is so busy. 

Sue I love your pictures of thongs.  I hope you are okay as well.  Janice I will havve to call at a MacDonals now to have a look for a penguin.  Helen it sounds you made your MIL's birthday very special.  That is so nice of you and I am glad you all enjoyed your meal with your friend.

Bren I hope your cold is still improving.  Dot I will be thinking about you and Alan through these next appointments you need to attend.

I hope everyone is okay tonight.  This laptop is so much better since my brother worked his magic.  Take care everyone - I hope I haven't missed anyone out.  Ailsa xxx

Good evening Quill as well - I knew I would miss someone xx

Evening everyone.

Well Lynne I think it must have just been a day for tears - I was at it from the minute I woke up, which is not like me so much these days.  And it was for all the reasons in your tale, I am genuinely looking forward to starting my new job tomorrow, as you know I met with them on Friday and immediately felt a warmth from both of the ladies I will be working with.  But it is the whole idea of new beginnings that got to me today.  Don't get me wrong - I completely understand that I can't have my old life back and therefore good things are welcome, it is just that it is so sad that these new things are 'instead of' rather than 'as well as'.  Such an odd type of sadness today, old era and new era.  Just watched John Edwards which often makes me teary! Could have been watching Cocktail on Film 4 - but Tom Cruise looks like a 'wee boy'!!   Sue, loads of love to you hun, you are always there for us and find a little something to make us smile - what a special and caring talent that is.  Rosemary, texts like that give you lump in the throat don't they.  Although I am sure Darren is fine, he probably could do with coming home soon.  So glad that there is a 'bus' solution for Sam. 

Ailsa, what a weekend of emotions for you but I am so glad that you brother took the time to go through everything with you, I bet he feels a weight of his shoulders having done that, and some relief too.   Gayle - no one but us is allowed to kick your backside - and then we will only do it in a gentle and loving way.  Anyone else tries it and they will have Napoleon and his posse to answer to. 

I am going to have to sign off without remembering what else I wanted to say as I have to go to bed early tonight (no doubt I will still be awake for hours, but I think I should try!)  So will say love to you all, Quill, Dottee, Lesley, Manda, Helen, Fiona, Bren, Dave and Patricia special squeezy hugs to you hun - I hope you are manging these difficult days.  If I have forgotten anyone please forgive me, you are all in my head and heart, just sometimes the brain cell can't quite remember everything at once. 

Judi xxxx