My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

FormerMember
FormerMember
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My husband - Chris - died on the 2nd May 2009 because he had anal cancer. He knew he was going and we spoke about lots and lots of things before he died. That is why I am just not prepared for the huge amount of guilt I feel now. I feel guilty that the world hasn't stopped turning round even though he has died. I feel like everything should stop as a mark of respect. I also feel very guilty that he had to be so ill he had to die. What a cruel cruel thing it is to make someone so ill their body just stops working. I wasn't ready for him to go. I really really hope these are normal feelings because I must hang on to my sanity for the sake of my 3 children. I have never known sadness like I feel right now. I can't believe that I will not hear his voice or feel his touch again. We were married for almost 32 years and I have known Chris for 34 years - since I was 16. What happens now? Ailsa

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Morning Judi.  Have a great day in your new job.  I know you will be good at it.  The 'new beginning' is very hard but you have the right attitude to it.  You will be so busy learning all day the first day will be done before you know.

    My weekend with my brother was a very emotional one but the good news is we didn't drag each other down, which I had been worried about.  We listened to each other and with the kids around we had lots of fun as well.

    Rosemary, Daniel's text was lovely.  Would be a good idea for him to nip home for a hug from mum before much longer.

    Best get ready for work.  Hope everyone has a good day.  Ailsa xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Morning all - just popped in to wish Judi 'GOOD LUCK' with your new job..........You will soon settle in and become part of the team......And don't forget Napoleon's Army is with you - in spirit at least - to offer you support..........

    Love and (((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))) to everone with wishes for a better week for you all  Dot xxxxxxxxxxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Good luck, judi

    You'll be brill!

    Sue xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Hi all - in line with your thoughts/stories of fair maidens/handsome princes/frogs I wish I could be your Fairy Godmother and wave my magic wand to make al your dreams come true...............but..........................

    For years a fairy queen I've been
    For years I foiled the Demon King
    But alas I'm getting on
    the years have flown somehow
    And I feel that Fairy Snowdrop isn't
    wanted now

    Chorus
    Nobody loves a fairy when she's sixty
    Nobody loves a fairy when she's old


    She may still have a magic power but
    that is not enough
    They like their bit of magic from a
    younger bit of stuff
    When once your silver star has
    lost its glitter
    And your tinsel looks like rust
    instead of gold
    Fairy days are ending when your wand
    has started bending
    No-one loves a fairy when shes old


    For years I reigned in Fairy Dell
    I waved my wand and waved it well
    If I can't do all I did Im satisfied because
    I'd sooner be a Has-Been than
     I would a Never Was

    Nobody loves....
    Nobody loves..

    The face of this Immortal One to many
    has appealed
    But gone is the illusion
    once you've had it soled and heeled
    When you've lost your little fairy dimples
    And the moth holes in your dress
    let in the cold
    The Goblins and the Pixies turn their backs
    and say Hi Nixey
    No one loves a fairy when she's old.

    Nobody loves.....
    Nobody loves.....

    As far as I can see they try to push you
    off the map
    When once your wand has withered
    and your wings refuse to flap
    When you can't cast a spell without
    it spilling
    And a fairy tale for years you haven't told
    You stand there shouting What O..
    but they all pass by your Grotto
    Nobody loves a fairy when shes old.

    Nobody loves.....
    Nobody loves.....

    They don't give you an earthly chance
    to make a livelihood
    Theyre building council houses now
     in my enchanted wood
    When you are past the age
    for Television
    And the air you use is
    government controlled
    It seems that they would sooner
    Listen to a blinkin' crooner
    Nobody loves a fairy when shes old.


    Fairy Godmother wannabe.... Dot xxxxxxxxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    I'm so pleased that my 'more' button works.....that took some editing to fit on the page well enough to read!!!!!

    Love (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) and hopefully a smile today

    Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Hello my friends

    Seems we are all on a down at the moment  :-(   It is so hard to get up and then when finally you feel like you are doing reasonably well, something comes along to tip you over again. The sun is shining today but I can't go anywhere, have not been out now since my trip to the doctors on Saturday. Rachel has just taken Dan to Asda to get some things in to make me a meal for later.

    My back feels ever so slightly better than yesterday, the tablets from the doctors do help to stop it going into spasm but I can only take them during the day, so first thing in the morning is bad. I am managing to get up and down stairs and to the bathroom but can't do much at all around the house as I can't bend, stretch or lift anything. Can't even feed Catface, as I can't get his bowl off the floor. I really hate having to rely on others to help me, especially when they are so busy anyway.I phoned my own GP this morning, he said if it is no better by Thursday I have to call him, he did not seem impressed byt the other doctors opinion of 6-8 weeks recovery, so maybe Ii will be on the mend very soon.

    Patricia, I hope you have your family around you today adn the angels send you calm thoughts and peace. xx

    Rosemary, when is Daniel due home?

    Huge hugs to Lynne, Gayle, Manda, Judi and anyone else in need of one. Judi, I hope your first day is going to plan, enjoy!

    I finally managed to watch my new dvd last night, The Time Traveller's Wife. While it was not as complex as the book, I enjoyed it anyway, so bittersweet.

    Anyway sending you all spring sunshine your way, in case you have not got any.

    Love and hugs Lesley x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Afternoon Lesley - just thought I'd stop by and leave you a gentle (((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))) to cheer you up a bit..........

    Love and more ((((((((((((((((bug higs)))))))))))))))  Dot xxxxxxxxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Thanks Dot xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Evening everyone

    So sorry to hear a few of you are so low again, it really is a rollercoaster!!

    Judi hope today went well xxx

    Ailsa sounds like you had a good weekend considering everything xx Does cider come in half pints lol!!!

    Lynne your fair maiden poem made me cry, as you say there is life out there still and hopefully we can find some of it one day.

    I cant remember what you all said now!!

    I had a lovely weekend, it just all goes past too quick doesnt it. I m hoping to settle and watch tv this week, there is a 5 part series on BBC 1 every night this week I fancy with Suranne Jones but I dont really settle to watch anything at the moment so will have to try hard!!

    Patricia hugs to you too, hope you re ok today xxx

    Hugs to everyone else, just keep swimming!!!!!

    Helen xxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Loved the fairy song Dottee, one to be sung loudly after quite a few tipples I should imagine!  lol

    Lesley you poor thing, I hope your GP can come up with something better, maybe some physio/ultra sound treatment or something.  Keep resting and keep warm, I will send lots of soothing, relaxing, healing thoughts to you and maybe Dot's fairy will also do a bit of magic and get you mending xxxx

    Patricia, hope you are ok and coping alright, I have been thinking of you and sending hugs xxx

    Also Lynne, Manda, Ailsa and Judi, well all of you really I think a big huddle is definitely needed.  Shall I get the fire going on the ledge, patio doors open, sleeping bags aired and hot chocolate brewing? The bar is open and all drinks are on the house.

    Daniel is back on Friday - yippee!  Have been talking to him again today, he was texting about his car problems and stuff and enquiring about his cottage renovation, so I took that as a sure sign he has probably had enough out there and is ready to come home, I thought two weeks might be a bit of a stretch.  (BTW Judi Darren is my lovely plumber! lol) He will be back living with us for another week or so though as his heating still isn't working in the mobile home and his cottage is now without power and virtually stripped bare, so not inhabitable even for a teenage boy.  (Guess what Judi when Sam and Dan were growing up we often referred to them as the Girl and the Boy - "Me and the Boy are going to the pub" etc, it can be quite affectionate can't it?  Their nicknames have in fact become Mazz and Dubz, but Steve and I still would use Boy and Girl between ourselves, no-one else would know that)

    Got to book the dentist :-(( it must be a bereavement thing, we are overdue for a check up (which I tired to book but thats another story), we were munching KFC tonight (another story) and I felt the filling/tooth give way right at the back top left.  I took myself away discreetly and managed to extract half the tooth, well mainly filling as it had broken before.  So it looks like I might have to get onto the dentist in the morning, although thankfully it doesn't hurt and I don't know what they can do with it anyway, but I will be a good girl and go and see them.

    Will send this now and look in later to see how you all are.  Sending lots of love to you all and heaps of hugs xxxxxx