My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Morning everyone , Helen have a good night out , so glad you enjoyed your meal with Pauls parents , i'm sure you made it a nice birthday for MIL . She must have missed Paul so much aswell on the day .Hope the kids are a bit brighter too now but i'm sure there'll be a fewmore ups and downs , your doing a great job with them , you can see how close you are .. 

Judi glad you had a ball at your ball , now you can start getting excited about your new job , i'm sure you'll soon get into a routine of Full time working lol , like Lesley said less time to dwell on thongs but less time for shopping to and thats not good lol ..

Amanda , hope your a little better after your sad news , the funeral will be a ordeal for you but we'll all be here for you .. 

Lesley enjoy your day out with your family , have you booked your train tickets yet ?  ...   Fiona thank you for the text , yes it is a worry about dad but we just dont know what to do to help him , dont think there is much that will make him happy really , its not 2 years yet since we lost my mum and with everyhting else he has had to face its not easy for him ..

Gayle , i should think you did have a strop , paying for first class and not geting a seat , i hope your following it through when your up to it . I know how bad you are feeling and i wish there was something i could do , your doing a amazing job with the boys and i know Wully would be so proud . Like you i want my old life back , i hate this single life , but i am going to keep trying to get through each day as best as i can till i meet Gordon again . You know where i am hun if you need to talk ....

Today i have turned down a invite to go out this afternoon , i just feel like chilling and cant be bothered to rush about . I have been looking after Maddie this morning so she always puts a smile on my face . I am going to the cemmy now before the heave rain starts . Its like a mud bath up there again . I think i prefered the snow , but not to drive in lol .. Hope everybody is having a good weekend . xxxxxxx take care xxxx Lynne xxxxx

Lynne, hun, I thought I was queen of the typos, but the thought of Judi  dwelling on thongs is priceless!

sue xx

Ooops , ha ha , i'm sure Judes will be amused to Sue xxxxx

Lol, Lynne, thongs, hmm!

Well, I did get to go out today but not to where I was expecting to go. I went to the emergency docs'. I was stupid enough to lift a full bag of coal and as my wrist is still weak, I must have strained one side too much and have pulled a muscle in my back. I will be honest and say I thought I was going to have to call an ambulance, I could not move at all for quite some time and when I did move I was in agony.

The dr has given me some strong painkillers and anti imflametry tablets, they seemed to have eased it a little. It is just throbbing when I am sat but when I try to walk I get sharp pain in my back  :-(

Rachel has had to come and stay to look after me, as I can't bend or lift anything. The Dr has said it will be 6 weeks before it has fully recovered but should feel a whole lot better in two to three weeks. I can't believe that I am going to off work yet again, I have never had so much time off sick. I am kind of hoping that after a good nights sleep it may feel a lot better tomorrow.

I have got my train tickets and fully intend using them! I am so sick of being laid up, just got rid of the cast and now back on the sofa, this is ridiculous, I feel like an old woman, never had so many injuries, typical for it to happen now that Colin is not here to take care of me. You should have seen me trying to walk from the car park to Drs, got a spasm right in the middle of the road and could not move until it passed.

Anyway, I hope you have all had a better day than me. Love Lesley x

Oh Lesley you poor thing, do rest up and hopefully the spasm will pass and it will be better quicker.  Suggested a TENS machine on your Facebook status, also reiki and massage (once the initial inflammation has settled).

Well I've read everybodys posts, which took me most of the afternoon - in between visiting my mum and dad and walking the dogs - honestly you lot you don't stop talking!  We went up to London yesterday so didn't get much time to catch up last night so will send love and hugs to you all rather than trying to remember all my replies to you, one day I will catch up again.

Sam and I went to visit the Toni and Guy academy and saw a presentation put on by the current students there, all very swish and tied in with London Fashion week.  This is something Sam will have to do for the end of her course too and she's already planning her theme and getting excited about being there.  The journey wasn't too bad but the tube was packed and then the train stopped in a tunnel outside Green Park - hot, stuffy and packed and we were standing too.  Poor Sam nearly had a panic attack and was breaking out in a sweat, luckily I managed to keep her talking to me and we got going again,but when we saw even more people waiting to squeeze in at the next station we decided to get off and walk the rest of the way.  Hmm seemed like a good idea but now I have blisters and my feet hurt! Got home safe though and Sam feels a bit more confident about the journey there and back, she will be tired but we will have to try and deal with it.

Will maybe pop in again later, hope you are all ok, lots of love and hugs to you all xxxxxx

Hi All

Hope you dont mind me saying i was in macdonlds yesterday [my kids work there] i noticed  the toy is penguins it remind me of you all xx

love to you all

take care love janice xx

Janice -

Napoleon is delighted, as are all of us.

Sue xxx

Janice - as they say in MacDonalds "I'm loving it"!

Lynne and Sue ........ what can I say thongs, thongs, THONGS!!!! I can assure you I am a Bridget Jones knickers kind of girl!!

Lesley - ahh darling, what on earth are we going to do with you???? You must spend the next two weeks Tens-ing, Reiki-ing, in fact any-thing that makes it okay for you to travel.  We will look after you once you get there, but you have to get there. Loads of love to you, I can ony guess how totally fed up you must be feeling.  Patricia, hope that you have managed to have some you time if you need it.  (((( ))).

Gayle - No seats in First Class - outrageous.  Next time just stay the night at mine.  

Well as I said the Ball was great fun.  Can anyone tell me what exactly makes it a Ball rather than a dance???? It was a charity fund raising affair and although I had quite a busy day (for me) I had managed to go to the bank because although I was a guest I really didn't know how it would work re drinks etc and I needed money for a taxi home and raffles tickets.  So I got myself ready, put on my heels (flatties in hand bag) put on my lippy and off we went.   When we got there they first thing was a tombola so I got my purse and ............ took out the Euros I had picked up by mistake!!  What a numpty.

Anyway the band was super, our table consisted of my friend and her son who own the hairdressers I go to, my friend's boyfriend, a couple that he knew and four of ladies who have their hair done there.  It was a real fun table, mix of ages etc and we had a 'right giggle' and loads of dancing 9not of the Ballroom variety).  Note to self - don't do those daft 60s style dances as today I have a sore neck!

Only 'moment' I had was when one of the ladies in the group was told about Ed and said to me (and she meant it as a compliment but .......) "Gosh you are doing so well, you would never know that your husband had died, you are so bubbly".   I will admit that for a minute this chilled me to the bone, as I just though - No I can't have people thinking that I am fine, that I don't care.  But I sat and had a think to myself and decided that I had two choices - be only concerned what 'others' thought or carry on enjoying myself with my friends, who know how I feel.  I went for the 'fun' option.  I think it was the right decision.  I still really would HATE for anyone to think that I have 'moved on', but at the same time realise that only me and mine (you are all included) know what it is really like, and you would all wish me a good fun evening, as I would you. 

Lazy day today and tomorrow will be looking out my clothes and my new pencil case and checking the alarm clock a hundred times.

Love to each and every one of you. Judi xxx

Rosemary, I am glad that you and Sam were impressed with the Academy.  Re the tube, and this is just one of my usual 'random' thoughts.  I used to stay in London fairly regularly in my late teens and thought I was the Bees Knees as I dashed around using the tube although it did get horribly busy. 

Both my mum and dad are Londoners and they came to see me there once and dad suggested walking somewhere and I said, "oh no it is three tube stops, it'll take us ages".  He just laughed and we started walking and were there in no time.  He then asked did I never take the bus - I said that the tube was quicker but he correctly pointed out that you never get an idea of the 'geography' or directions when you are on the tube.  You get on at one stop and out at another and you actually have no idea of the route and streets you have travelled.  Since then I have always taken the bus and have a much better idea of where everywhere is in relation to each other and now know if it is feasible to walk, or to get a bus.   Obviously I have no idea where Samantha will have to travel from and to but she might find it a better journey overland and also get to know London even better.

Okay, bed now. J xx

Morning girls - I've been reading all your posts if not posting myself........there's some real slips with the typing........I laughed out loud at the 'thongs'.......and Judes spending all night in her 'hells'!!!!  Specially after falling off another pair in the shop!!!!!

When I was much much younger i had to spend a couple of days in Ol' London Town and found I was really disorientated on the Tube.  I hadn't got a clue where i was or where I needed to be - the original 'country bumpkin'!!!!!  Anyway to cut a long story short I finished my journey at the opposite end of the line to where I needed to be and was late for my appointment!!!!!  Not a good idea in military circles!!!!! I have to see where I'm going and look out for landmarks on my journey - so I know where I am............ whizzing along through dark tunnels makes me feel like a mole................And anyway i feel safer 'up top' in the open!!!!! 

Love and (((((hugs))))))  to everyone - hope you have a good plans for today  Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxx