My husband died in my arms on the 2nd May (2009) - what happens now?

Hi Ailsa

so sorry to hear about your hubby. I too lost my hubby to cancer.

All I can say is what you are feeling is quite normal, the guilt etc. is just something we have to go through. As for what comes next, I don't know. I have felt every emotion possible since losing him in January. Some days are easier to get through than others but none of them are good days. Somehow I find the strength to get through each day and I am sure you will too.

I hope you are surrounded by people who love and care for you.

Love and hugs

Allyson xx

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

Our world has ended, there is no more point to anything, except to mourn.

There is only one line of that poem I disagree with, and that is "I thought love would last for ever. I was wrong."

But that's what is not true. Our love DOES last for ever. We loved our husbands when they were alive. We love them still. We always will. The love never ends. Never.

Julie.

Thank you Julie and Allyson for your replies. At least I know I am feeling 'normal' feelings. Somehow that hasn't made me feel any better but then that is probably normal as well. I have lots of support - sometimes it is even hard to get time to myself but everyone is trying so hard to do the right thing that I won't turn anyone away. My Dad says this is the worst thing that has ever happened to his family and I can see that my distress is making him very sad. My parents thought the world of Chris. I think I am having another bad day but I am not going to give into it today because there is so much still to do. I promised Chris I would sort out all the practicalities and make sure the house etc was safe so I have a list of things to get through today. It takes such a lot out of me each time I ring someone to sort out insurance etc.

The poem is so true and my children commented on the same things - how can normal things still be happening and most of them are so trivial.

Anyway - thank you both for making feel less alone. Take great care and I hope you are both getting all the support you need through your grief as well. Ailsa x

Hello Helen,

Thanks for sending a reply. I read your profile and I don't think it helps that we have each had to go through such a hard time before our husbands died. I know I am worn out and Chris and I talked about that before he died - we were both exhausted from everything that had happened in the past 2 years. Now I want to curl up and ignore everyone and everything but there were promises I made to Chris. I must make sure everything is okay. I too have been thinking about when I should go back to work as I made that promise to Chris as well - make sure I keep my job! I think I want to try to go back on the 1st June but then I feel so dis-loyal even thinking about going back. I wish someone would just tell me what was right. Just like you Helen there has not been a day when I haven't cried. Chris is buried not far from here so I think the best thing I can do with the rest of this afternoon is go to see him, have a good cry and a chat and see if I can do anything constructive afterwards.

Take care Helen - you know how I feel and I know how you feel so I hope I hear from you again. Ailsa x

Good evening Helen, Leisha and Jackie. Thank you for taking the time to answer me.

Jackie - I have seen your posts from time to time when I have been on this site. My husband, also called Chris was my life and had been for the whole of my adult life. We grew up together as we met before I even left school. He seemed so grown up back then even though he was only 18 months older than me. I will never get over what has happened or how it has happened. I have stayed up far too late tonight so now I will easily get upset. I am so sorry you lost your husband and I am so sorry I have lost my husband and I am so sorry for all the others but I have no idea what to say to help. I don't know what anyone should say to me to help. I think I would be best off finishing this post and going to bed.

Leisha - thank you for your message of support and encouragement.

Helen - I was messing about with Chris's will today. He signed one less than 2 days before he died. He suddenly got it into his head he had to have a will. I just hope it helps as I have spent the whole of today doing paperwork.

I am going to go to bed now and hope that all of us have a better day tomorrow. I am so tired but I dread going to bed. Take care everyone. Ailsa x