Feeling Low

Hi there, you don’t need to apologise for feeling bereft. We all understand. I am nine months in, and can assure that I have had periods of time when I could barely function. At times, we need to be alone. At other times we need to have the support of friends/family. Are there any bereavement walks you could join via a hospice ? I go once a month on a country walk via St Barnabas. Do you have a local pub ? Can you get books out from the library ? I know it is like “Walking through treacle”, but getting out sometimes can help. Sending you hugs. Kate. Xxx

Hi!

I'm a little further on that you about just over 20 months from losing my hubby Jay and I get where you are coming from. Suddenly all the `if you need anything/anything we can dos` all stops and the phone stops ringing etc etc. I still have my `stuck weeks` of `F it` weeks as I call them where as you say you have no energy or `oomph` to do anything. I keep thinking sometimes I should be going out but when I'm out I want to be home so it's `catch 22` sometimes. This time of the year is so hard for me as it is coming up to Jay's 2nd anniversary of passing in June. Last year wasn't so bad and I got the first year in ok but this year it just feels that little bit harder. The sun is shining but really I couldn't care less. I was told by an online counsellor that it is possible that I may always have this as I associate this time of the year with Jay in his last months so to speak. Never really saw him going and think I was just in denial and every good day he had I saw that as a sign he was getting better but then maybe the next day he would back to square one. I have been having problems with my older sister too. She lives in sheltered accommodation within walking distance from me she has learning difficulties but can do for herself to an extent. She has little mental health `outbursts` from time to time and one has reared it's head recently. When this happens she makes up stories that people are talking about her and watching her and things that are going on in her complex which are just not happening. They have a live-in warden who runs the place and really you just couldn't find fault with the place. It's her own self contained flat and she's free to come and go as she likes. This really couldn't have come at a worst time for me. I have her along to stay over with me a few nights now and again but I could never have her stay with me permanently. She has had two cancer operations herself breast and bowel cancer and both caught in their early stages so were treatable and she is making good progress on that and it's just bittersweet that they couldn't save Jay. Still early days for you and everything will still be very raw and your head will be all over the place but just keep coming here when you feel you need to as we all get it. Take Care. 

Vicky

Sorry about your older sister and of course Jay. As you say my head is all over the place. Yesterday I thought Sue had come back from work and was expecting her to come through the door and give me one of her it's going to be OK smiles, then reality hits, and the tears start again. I am seeing my counsellor tomorrow, so I hope that helps. The trouble is it's vist no 6 which I got told was the number of visits I was allowed.  I think they go on longer if they think you need it. I need them as it's the only time I get to talk about Sue and it helps me to remember the great times and not just the crap.

Sorry your feeling low like you have not spoken to anybody all Easter perhaps people are frightened of upsetting us so stay clear . It’s been seven weeks for me and it seems to come in waves feeli need to go out but when out need to get home just can not get any inspiration to do anything  wishing you well as can be

I know that feeling.  If you go out it can be hard coming back in. Knowing the important piece of your home is missing. Take care on this crap path. 

I am struggling tonight. Time to retreat and have a good cry. Kate. Xxx

Also find nights a struggle and a time for a good cry best wishes to you

Thank you.

It's strange I used to look forward to 9pm as I felt I could go to bed and dream about Sue. The trouble is I have not had a dream about Sue for ages and now I dread waking up and having to go through another pointless day. I have tried music and remembering a lovely walk we used to do. Hopefully it's just a blip.

Kate if you need to cry do it. I hope you got through the night OK. Take care