Getting angry (Grumpy maybe?)

Hi All 

thank you for making me laugh I’ve had some very busy days at work this week  

my bosses don’t like sarcasm I found out because I have not got the time or I’ve only got one pair of hands not five  other drivers go home early  don’t like working late  then their me he can do it because I’ve nothing to go home for lol I think I’ve been their 30 years to long 

And some customers can be hard work to i don’t know how people work in shops  

Take care 

Martin x

Hi Mccmcc, 

You are not alone. I have become irritable and short tempered too. Little things were driving me mad, so as some people's behaviour. It was particularly hard to keep my emotions at bay at work. This was triggered by my line manager's action, who was interviewing me for my work for the past year when I lost my husband and she was scrutinising me about how I did over the past year and how I felt about it. She was asking the same question again and again, until I broke down. This is, when I became short tempered and irritable and had a job to keep the emotions under control. Nearly got into troubles following this as I talked back to her. She said, there is no need to speak like this. When I told her in private, that she had broken me into pieces, she said, let's wipe this week out. Well, how can we wipe out a trauma? If we could, there would not be any sort of unhappy people. Would there? 

Sorry about the long moun, but its been on my chest for a while. 

Keep well

Love 

Andrea xx

Hi all I really appreciate a post to let off steam! How about all the text messages from friends and family that mean well but all they can say is how are you today? Have you been tempted to reply (the same as yesterday I feel like shit!)

Tell them!! I say I'm not ok yet but I  will be eventually and thank them for asking ! They   are better for it,  really. You're not fibbing and I think they know that too! No bluffing!  Then cry a bit!! X

I think it's a natural reaction to the stress of our situation, after an outburst I took my blood pressure and frankly scared myself a bit, it was over 170/90 and my pulse was 90 at rest. So I went for a long walk looked at the wildflowers and when I came back took it again and it was 132/88.

I think maybe that is the hidden part of our grief where there is a physical toll but we in the depths of our emotional pain don't even consider this, now I'm on a more even keel I am going to take care of my personal health a bit better. The last of the meat has gone and I won't be replacing it (but the freezer is a bit bare now) and I have a plan to lose a stone if I can (I'm 15st 7lbs) I've even been for a bike ride (first in about 10 years and when my backside isn't so sore I might go again!)

Italians don't complain like I hear you guys who work in retail have to tolerate. They are more considerate to the feelings of others and they don't look down on certain jobs either. You can have the road sweeper, shop owner, lawyer and Doctor all meeting for a beer after work because they used to go to School together and are making plans to go hiking at the weekend.

However in the car it's another matter....

Sometimes grumpy has not even come close. Livid. Boiling. Seething. ..... when my partner was ill I nearly got into a punch up with a man in a car park who blamed me for the fact he couldn't park within a space. Not a good look for a slightly dumpy late fifties woman in an old tracksuit . After my partner died my body decided  to help me by coming out in blisters on my hands, mouth ulcers, cold sores. And my gums got inflamed and a couple of teeth might fall out.  But at least that kept me from exploding completely . I have managed to pick at a place on my head from scratching it and worrying at the scab.  Looking good.    But at least that kept me from exploding completely .  I do find myself growling out loud when I thought I had done it in my head.

This sounds like some anti dating site self advert. Also likes dogs, cooking, motorbikes and sense of humour. 

I am learning that anger is usually my mask for sadness and I have to allow that in too. 

Well if it was an anti dating site and I was in the market for anti dating you'd get a 'like' at least! (Especially the scab picking! And I can't believe I just typed that but what the hell, I'm a Bereaver and can get away with anything for a while!)

I'm not sure I'll be in the market for anything yet and sometimes the thought of "The future" fills me with a kind of apathetic 'what the fuck' kind of feeling!

A friend who did lose their partner did tell me that I could get away with a lot over this year. Hard to imagine futures, but I have decided that I need to balance out feeling sad, gutted, pain with also times of levity, fun and laughing. Nothing will ever come close to what has gone, but I am hoping the steps to finding new meaning and enjoyment is possible.  I have asked friends to stop ringing up with Sad Cancer Bereaved Voice. Within the next fortnight I have his birthday, our wedding and the birthday of his son that died. Hmm. Can feel diversion tactic of maybe a Triumph Bonneville coming on..........Want to get past June safely,  at 70 mile an hour. Noticed the other anniversaries on this thread and a good reminder that it may catch me out more than I anticipate. 

Can I just amend my age please from an earlier message???? My actual age is 57 not 58 as I at first thought!!! However goig on 7 is correct!! Going back to colouring in now!!!!

May I recommend a Ducati 900SS 1970s? Or a Norton Commando maybe a Laverda Jota 1970's vintage too. or a..........however for me I'd get  Moto Guzzi 850 quite cheap here

We did the old "What will you do when I die?" conversation and I lamely said "Get a another bike?" (Carla wasn't a big fan of me on a bike)