New to this group after my husband died 21 May

Hi NicOz  its so hard.  I know how this horrible path makes your head spin and the pain is unbearable sometimes.  I wanted to send you hugs.  This is a lovely group and you can come here and say anything.  Just take half an hour at a time.  If all you can do is cry thats fine.

Thank you for being so welcoming. It helps to speak with people who get it. 

Hi NicOz, you must be feeling completely exhausted, emotionally and physically. I decided that I would just, ‘Go with it,’ there was no choice. I was in a trance like state, and this lasted several months. Come on here if you can, as we all understand. Sending hugs to all. 

It’s comforting to connect with people who understand. 

Hi NicOz so sorry you find yourself on this pathway. You will be all over the place, the loss of a partner is deep and profound as it changes everything in your life.

All you can do it take one day, even 1 hour at a time, somehow you just bumble along. Or at least thats what Im doing, 8 months on. Cry when you need to, dont hold it in, i still cry mist days. Draw on support that helps, some "help" doesnt

We are a lovely bunch who both understand and get it, you can speak here without judgement and someone will always be here to respond. 

Hugs to you x

Thank you Malengwa. I am happy I found this group. 

Hello Nicoz

My condolences to you on the loss of your husband. Welcome to the forum although it is somewhere most of us don't want to be but here we are. It's a good place to come and we do `get it` when you maybe feel those around you don't. Yes I can imagine that your head will be all over the place and you will be experiencing all sorts of emotions. I have just passed the 3 year mark since I lost my husband on 23rd June 2023 so I am a little bit further on than most here. As you said just take your time and take each day as it comes for now and just keep coming here when you feel you need to. We're all a good bunch and a good support for one another there will always be someone who posts that you feel you can relate to and know what you are experiencing is normal and you're not going `nuts` or `doolaly` . Sending you my best wishes and Take Care of yourself. 

Vicky 

I was the same .. I had nursed my Hubby for such a long time with all his various health issues. It became a " Way of Life"  not much of a life for him at times. I was in a trance like state before he died  . I had so much going on during the last 3-4 years and when I could see how much he was deteriorating and I could do no more ,I seemed to shut down. It wasn't until about 5-6 months after that the shock wore off and it really hit me with the realisation that I had let him go . I think it all got too much and I shut down. Now that I realise something had just switched  off , I feel so much guilt that I feel I gave up on him. since the medical profession seemed to have done. I'm on a waiting list for Talking Therapy ..I hope it can help with the way I'm feeling now .  

I'm sorry you as well the rest of us are part of a group we didn't ask for. It is so difficult to come to terms with this our greatest ever loss. So many Emotions washing  over us and at times knocking us down. After caring for them so long we find ourselves Redundant . We can't do anything else ,but  take one day at a time. Some days it's all we can do to get out of bed.  There there are the nights when we are unable to sleep. It is so very recent your loss and you are probably still in shock. I hope you have the support of good friends and family. Try to eat well , get lots of rest and take care . Even if those around you don't understand how you are feeling , you can be assured that we do here .

I am sorry you feel guilt. I hope the Talking therapy will help. My Paul had Atrial Fibrillation, five years before the cancer. He had keyhole surgery twice, and that gave him some extra time. I think I went into a different mindset then, and looked at life differently. Gone was the time of taking anything for granted. We had those extra years, which I cherish.