My husband passed last Saturday - I'm lost

Alison it is so very raw for you . And even after a year I feel it just as raw now. I would wash my Husband to save him the indignity of a stranger doing it. He wouldn't let anyone else do it anyway. It is so traumatic having to watch the one we love so much suffer such excruciating pain and be unable to help them. My Hubby was pretending he wasn't so bad for my sake . He had been ill for so long it didn't seem to be any different on the outside . It is so Cruel that they have to go through so much. We were in denial . And I was already in shock and grieving . I could see how he was going downhill. And having to witness that makes me feel I let him go. I didn't do enough to keep him here with me . Like the rest of us you will go through so many emotions. I hope you have friends and family who will support you well through this traumatic and deeply sad time. I try to console myself that My Hubby is no longer suffering , but it doesn't help. Yes we do feel empty . Our other half has gone . And it feels unbearable . There are some things I'm trying to help me get through it , but at the end of the day we have to go through this very complex thing called grief.