Words

Yes Heartbreak It is SHIT ! I hate my life without my Hubby.  He's in my thoughts constantly. It's been 14 months for me now . and I still question why I let this happen. Why couldn't I stop him dying and leaving me ? After the terrible ,miserable last 3 years and here I am alone ,without the only Man I've ever loved. And yes it's really painful to see others with their significant other. I feel resentment. I cry every day. Some days I think ..Oh! I've got through this day without taking my herbal tablets to stop me falling apart. But although I don't feel addicted to them,I find it hard to keep from becoming really emotional. I am trying to keep myself occupied,but still I have images of his handsome face in my mind on those last painful days,and I could do nothing more to help him stay with me. My family and friend don't want to talk about him. Nobody mentions his name. It's as if he never existed . But spending almost 50 years of my life with him and I can't even talk about him with anyone. I also feel stuck here. My sister calls over and moans about her Husband ..I know he's a selfish old Git . But she won't leave him. And he's still here. I rarely moaned about my Hubby. I was just glad he was still here ,though it wasn't a great life for him at times with the suffering he endured. He always put a brave face on. Rarely complained about how unwell he felt and the chronic pain. So how could I complain about anything? This Life can be so unfair. I understand how you feel when you say Forever is over. I think to myself ..All that suffering and going through so much crap and for what ? We can't even grow old together . There you are we all need to vent somewhere or else we would go Crazy ! I hope just posting your feelings has helped just a little to get your thoughts out there

 Sometimes it's what we need to do. 

Hi Heartbreak!

                                                                                                                                                                   Just you let all your SHIT out my dear (so to speak) this a good place to let it all outYes I think we all agree with you it is all just a `cycle of shit` for us here and I like I think others here too, get it when you see all your coupled up friends moving forwards making plans etc and you're stuck. I sometimes get pangs of jealousy with my son and his little family all their wee plans that they want to do etc. I used to see it with my late mother in law she was by herself too before she passed and I used to think I don't want to end up like her but here I am heading that way I feel. Its not the not wanting to do things, I feel some things should be things both of you would be doing together and at times you feel lost having to maybe try these things on your own. All decisions, plans etc are now all yours alone when you had the input of your spouse/partner before hand and sometimes it scares you as you constantly wonder or maybe need reassurance that you are doing the right thing and I get that too Breton when women you may know maybe moan about their other half and you think `how lucky are you to still have them with you`? I'm debating whether I should have my sister stay over with me next week (Jays anniversary) I know it will be hard week for me but hopefully I'll get through it. She's not great company at the best of times because of her mental illness (empathy not one of her great points) so don't know if that would make things worse but it would just be good I feel to have someone else here with me. I'll see what I decide. Sending hugs xx

Vicky.

That annoys me when people moan about their partners and some of my friends hardly spend any time with them and I would hate mine going footy on a sat afternoon lol id run to the door when I heard him come home from work as was so excited to see him. I start thinking your relationship is rubbish why couldn't of been him not mine and that is such a nasty thought to have. I feel ive turned into a bitter person now. I constantly keep myself busy and 'lucky' I have alot of friends that do stuff with me but then have to say to others I may look like im doing a lot enjoying myself but inside feel a weight round my heart and want my old life back. My ex (dad to my kids) committed suicide 14 years ago and now they lost step dad. I keep saying I must of been a bad person to have all this in my life. Hugs to you x

People say i should try holiday on my own but that would only highlight my partner should be here with me. My friend lost her 20 year old son Oct 24 to cancer (mis diagnosed at our hospital) shes got us tickets to a psychic man tomorrow night..im on the fence for all this stuff but getting myself worked up about it as don't want people looking at me . Probably wrong thing to go to really x

I understand how bitterness and resentment creeps in. I never thought I would feel all these Horrible emotions. Nobody tells us about the rest of the package that comes with loss. That's terrible for you as well as your Children. Even though you might already have split up or things were a bit rocky in your previous relationship,it must have been very upsetting and difficult to come to terms with that and supporting your children as well. Then to find happiness with someone else and he was taken from you  and your children probably accepted him .Sometimes I wonder have we been cursed. And though we try our Best to be good people ,the worst things seem to happen to the good ones. Yes this enormous loss and the pain is a heavy load to carry. I have to admit that as my sister's Husband is so cruel and nasty to her .why could he have gone before mine. Then she could have found someone else who cared and showed her more love and consideration.Then I chastise myself saying she would still suffer. And that's not fair. We can't help our thoughts .they pop into our heads when we are so unhappy. Let's hope that with time all this heartache will become less painful. Not sure I could cope with seeing a Psychic. There are some who certainly have a gift. But not sure all have. Let us know how  you go on if you go. Cx 

Maybe just for a few days with your Sister so you aren't so absorbed with Emotions on the difficult days. I know these Counsellors keep saying we have to feel these emotions and not try to avoid them ,but it is so draining and depressing for us. I was in bad way during March April and May. and I am gaining more weight due to comfort eating. I'm back to the weight I was before my loss. I lost a lot and needed to put some back on as I looked like a sack of bones. But I need to stop with all the chocolate ,I mainly eat it in the middle of the night when I can't sleep. Sometimes dark chocolate helps me go to sleep . I hope that you don't feel quite as bad as you are Anticipating. If only there was a magic pill that helped us get through all the pain a bit better. I've read some people say they don't want to stop the pain cos' they reckon that's keeping us attached or close to our loved ones..I don't agree with that train of thought. We will never stop loving them thinking about  or missing them . Not if we loved them. I hope for some Peace of mind for us all going through this . Cx 

Thanks again Breton & Heartbreak. 

Would have been our anniversary this coming Sunday too so a bit of a `double wammy` for me next week. I'll find a way through it somehow. 

xx

I feel bitter, and envious, and hurt by people who think I'm ok after seven months. They have NO IDEA! They won't even say his name, and I see them flinch and look awkward when I do. Is it not bad enough that Ive lost the love of my life, do I have to pretend he never existed as well? I'm staying home more and more because I feel let down by so many people it's less painful just to be alone. 

1. It seems to be the way with people ,whether family or friends ,that they feel uncomfortable around us if we can't just can't get back in the swing of things the way they expect us to. As we say so many times ..they won't have a Clue just how our whole world has shattered. I must admit I don't feel I want to mix with others much if they expect me to pretend I'm Ok. One of my Sister's was making jokes and laughing at her own jokes when I last saw her at our Mum's. That was only a few months after my Hubby died. I just avoid any contact with her. She's acted like that after the last two funerals I went to. Gets drunk and thinks it's Party time. I don't think it's me . It's her that isn't acting normal. I found the 6th - 7 th month was when the brain fog lifted and it hit me that this had really happened. We can't go back to the person we were before whether we want to or not. Losing our Soul mate  I have a nephew who often walks through the same Park with his dogs in a morning . And he pretends he doesn't see me . I've waved a few times and he eaves and goes. I understand he doesn't know what to say. So now I save home the trouble and pretend I haven't even noticed him. I'm so fed up with everybody they don't even want to know . Well it will come to some of them in time. ,    ,

I went through that stage of being incredibly hurt by people’s lack of compassion. That on top of everything else was really upsetting. I retreated into myself for about 8 month’s, and thought ‘F….. You.’ I carried on doing all the day to day stuff, but basically stopped interacting with everyone else. It’s called survival. A neighbour said, ‘We haven’t see much of you lately’. I thought to myself, ‘And you won’t be, any time soon.’ This approach has been the right one for me. I have started socialising with friend’s I trust. A quiet drink, or a coffee. There is no rush, and I am very cautious about who I see. Sending hugs to all. Kate.xxx