Words

Yes Heartbreak It is SHIT ! I hate my life without my Hubby.  He's in my thoughts constantly. It's been 14 months for me now . and I still question why I let this happen. Why couldn't I stop him dying and leaving me ? After the terrible ,miserable last 3 years and here I am alone ,without the only Man I've ever loved. And yes it's really painful to see others with their significant other. I feel resentment. I cry every day. Some days I think ..Oh! I've got through this day without taking my herbal tablets to stop me falling apart. But although I don't feel addicted to them,I find it hard to keep from becoming really emotional. I am trying to keep myself occupied,but still I have images of his handsome face in my mind on those last painful days,and I could do nothing more to help him stay with me. My family and friend don't want to talk about him. Nobody mentions his name. It's as if he never existed . But spending almost 50 years of my life with him and I can't even talk about him with anyone. I also feel stuck here. My sister calls over and moans about her Husband ..I know he's a selfish old Git . But she won't leave him. And he's still here. I rarely moaned about my Hubby. I was just glad he was still here ,though it wasn't a great life for him at times with the suffering he endured. He always put a brave face on. Rarely complained about how unwell he felt and the chronic pain. So how could I complain about anything? This Life can be so unfair. I understand how you feel when you say Forever is over. I think to myself ..All that suffering and ensuring so much crap and for what ? We can't even grow old together . There you are we all need to vent somewhere or else we would go Crazy ! I hope just posting your feelings has helped just a little to get your thoughts out there

 Sometimes it's what we need to do.