Father's day

No, it’s not silly. You and your Nick had your dreams. Yes, he is with your little ones. Why is life so bloody cruel ? His father sounds horrible. Today, has been difficult. My Paul loved Father’s Day, and all the fuss that went with it. A few pints down the pub with our son. Pressie’s and hugs from our daughter. We have all welled up at different times today. It’s nearly two years since he was taken. Earlier, I had to take a nap as I knew I was close to the sobbing stage. I feel better now, as I can have a fortifying glass of wine (or two), and sit on the decking to enjoy the wildlife garden that I am creating. Stag beetles, hedgehogs, bats, butterflies, bees, robins. It is a tropical wildlife, and gives me a lot of peace. Sending hugs to all. Kate.xxx

A difficult day indeed I would imagine it is very hard and lonely for you, I struggled watching  my young adult children yesterday but I am glad to have them - I am sorry u didn’t get to have the family u wanted together life is very unfair.  I’m finding all days that are supposed to be celebrated quite overwhelming tbh - my husband died in January and I think I am coping well on normal days but I have lots of celebrations coming up including his birthday and I really just want them all to be over - I will have to put on my big girl knickers and get on with it I suppose.

ps His father doesn’t sound like he is worth wasting your energy on!

I hope we all have a kinder day today

vicki x

Your garden sounds lovely Kate they say nature is such a good healer.

I just don't think I'm healing at all.  Sometimes I think i just need to get on with it. Suck it up.   

These sort of days just make it harder 

No Nic

That is not being silly at all. Yesterday was quite hard for me too. Not only was it Father's Day but it would have been Jay and I's 40th Wedding Anniversary. Tomorrow (23rd) marks the 3rd anniversary of his passing. At the moment I am just feeling very flat and just at a loss as what to do. I will just be marking his anniversary on my own with my memories. I contemplated having my sister come and stay with me a few days but I don't know if that is still happening or if I should just be on my own. I'm so sorry to hear of your miscarriages and not able to have any children. I wanted more but because of a condition I found out I had after we had our son I was unable to but at least I have my son who has grown into a fine young man and dad to my granddaughters. I often feel guilty at not being able to give him siblings as most of his friends have brothers and sisters and his wife has 5 sisters and a brother. This week will be hard for me but I'll pull through it I'm sure. Wishing you well. 

Vicky x

I sometimes think that too Vicki, big girl knickers on,   get on with it.  I'm not sure I'm coping at all.  

I'm directing all my anger at his father and family but it's all within me sort of thing, they haven't spoken to me since the funeral so the anger has nowhere to go.  I should just forget about them.

Maybe I'll feel a little better for getting through yesterday.  

I think our brains can only cope with so much pain at one time, therefore the healing can’t be rushed. I have a grief book called, ‘Grief 365 days’ by Gary Sturgis. It has been helpful during the night, when my soul is suffering. He lost his partner to cancer 8 years ago. Kate.xxx

I have found that book a comfort too. Yesterday was my two step daughters' first Fathers Day without their dad, and we all attended a remembrance service organised by the hospice where he died. Lots of tears but quite cathartic. I got them teddy bears made from some of his shirts, they were both really pleased, I was so glad I did that. Today feels strangely flat, almost like another loss. Both our birthdays coming up (in the same week) which I'm anxious about. I think we are all in this together, learning to cope with things in our own way. I am so thankful to everyone here for your honesty and support. If only people in the 'real world' could be as kind.

That sounds like a really moving service. That was very thoughtful of you to get them those teddy bears, I am sure they will cherish them. Yes, we are fortunate we have this support network, it is important that we can express ourselves. 

Hi vicki.

Important dates are hard., dont feel you have to put your big girl pants on because you dont. We shouldnt have to be brave all the time, its ok to have a melt down of tears. Fathers day was ok for me, but I know it was hard for my daughter, the first without her dad. But our anniversary, I was a wreck. Im slowly going through those firsts, my birthday being next. The dates I find hards are things like next saturday is the date they stopped treatment and signed him off back to the GP in what I call the FOAD conversation ( F off and die). That was the day hope died.  I find that hard and each of us will find certain things affect us more than others. 

Life and Death can be so Bloody cruel and Unfair. I've tried to ignore the whole Fathers Day thing.  I really feel for you with what you went through before Your Nick passed. I haven't been in your position and can only imagine how I would feel. I have 3 sisters who had failed pregnancies in different ways . The youngest having to go through Labour with a stillbirth early on in the Pregnancy. But she did go on to have another child. I always say I would have gone down the route of Adopting if I was unable to have children. Of course you will have all these thoughts and feelings . And it must make everything all the more painful.   Did you say you were seeing a Counsellor ? You certainly need someone you can talk through these things with. You are obviously struggling to make sense of it all. as the rest of us are in our own Experiences. I am still struggling to convince myself that I did enough to prevent my dear Hubby from dying despite knowing the facts that he was incredibly ill and in Chronic pain. And I berate myself every day as I cry over what I've lost. And I wish that I could have him back. You have nothing at all to be sorry about. Where else can we pour our Hearts out without Judgement and knowing someone here understands ? Cxx