Not coping at all

It will be lovely to see family properly. Waiting to see my dad. Hoping to have an outdoor meet up for my birthday! Just in time. 

Have a lovely day chat Val xxx

Hi, 1st of April for me, so early days, too, but most of the time it seems like years, or oddly, not at all, as if he's just somewhere around the place. He's still in my head. I am grateful for the lockdown, we used to self isolate all the time. I don't want people, however well meaning they may be, they destroy the illusion. I know this sounds as if I am experiencing mental issues - I don't think I am, though. I am so honest it comes out very bluntly, that's all !    I love the way that the world goes on, and resent it at the same time. I love humanity, but there are so few individuals I like. Just be honest to all, and don't give yourself such a hard time - Carla is still your focus at the moment and you are allowed to just miss her - it may not be like you were at all, but you are not like you were. Maybe you have improved by knowing her and loving her and the tasks on the lists are not important now x

Hi Val,

I hadn't seen your posts before. I understand what you mean about the lack of self-confidence and also the inability to concentrate. It's 17 months for me. It's not a long, straight road. When we were in confinement here, it was particularly hard for me but as soon as the lockdown lifted, I began to feel a little lighter. I accept the fact that this is going to take a long time. Gilles and I were married for 22 1/2 years and had known each other for 24. I'm not saying it's proportional but I think it's natural that recovery and healing will take a while. I'm not trying to rush getting over my grief. It will always be a part of me and will define me now. This is not meant to sound maudlin but in the same way Gilles was a part of me when he was alive, so is his death today. My life cannot be the same; I cannot be the same.  I just wanted you to know that you're not the only one feeling the way you do. I feel grateful that he was in my life and now I'm sad that he's not. It's as simple as that, isn't it?

Hi Limbo

I too felt lighter when lockdown was lifting. Frustrating that the south west figures increasing and people talking about a regional lockdown! I live in Taunton. No way am I going back to lockdown, I will go nuts!!! 

I wish people would understand that some of us are struggling with it due to grief! 

I am hoping now that I will soon be able to set Ric's ashes free and I have had official letters to say a death certificate has been done but I am shocked they  want £11 for it. It will go in a draw!!it has taken 5 and half months, they could give me one! I honestly thought you got a free one! I also got a letter to tell me they were doing the inquest 2 days ago if I had anything to add!!! Honestly these departments!!!

I don't think I will ever want anyone else but I do want to move forward and hope now to get some closure. 

Praying for this virus to do one. I have my name on the hairdresser's list, I think I may use the growth to change my style for me!!! 

Your final paragraph sums me up too, glad I had him to love and sad he is gone. 

Love and hugs Alison xxx

That is quite shocking and indecent. Sounds as if they've put a price to our lives and deaths. Even that has to be paid for. In France, death certificates are free. Now you have me wondering as it was the funeral home that took care of everything. I was spared the trouble and stress of having to request one myself.

I don't know if there's ever closure. The wound heals somewhat; it closes, then opens again and bleeds for a while. Maybe closure means coming to terms with what happened and living our lives in peace, more or less. I haven't reached there; I just don't know. I've often said that I feel as though life just forces us forward. There are times when I'd like to just stand still but circumstances won't allow me to.

Anyway, hope you enjoy your your change of style. Good for you!

Hi limbo

people tell me it will take time I will learn to live will with what happened but will never forget I won’t forget I had the funeral the day after my birthday 

but are lives will change at moment get through each day as the months pass by  try to laugh and put a brave face on but you can still be sad inside 

take care 

Martin x

Hi All,

People also keep telling me I will learn to live with it and it gets easier. I know it has got easier if I look how far I've come in the last 6 months but there is always an ache in my heart and a sadness that he is not here and I think that will always be there.

I've been off work this week as it was my birthday and we had a holiday booked. I don't really want to go back to work and pretend all the time, but my grief has definitely been worse while I've had more time on my hands and I haven't been sleeping so I know I must.

I met a couple of friends for a pre birthday picnic and they couldn't get over how well I looked, I'm not sure what they expected but I did make an effort as I can't stand the sympathy looks.

This isn't the life we planned or wanted is it?

Ali x

Hi Ali 

happy birthday   I know you feel inside put a brave face on the outside 

how you look good some one said that to me too may be it’s you don’t feel under so much pressure like when your love ones are I’ll  which I had the answers 

when you are at work it’s the routine and you are out of the house  when I get home it’s which ready meal tonight lol. But I cooked shepherds pie yesterday for today 

no it’s not the life we wanted but is what has been given to us  we use to sit and talk about future 

take care 

Martin x