Panic attacks back

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I was just trying trying settle down to sleep but again the meds aren’t working & im just sat here crying. My panic attacks have come back

It was a year last Thursday that I lost Andrew & the month running up to it I just starting feeling worse than before, couldn’t have imagined that as possible.
I’m feeling sadder than ever, I feel like I’m waiting for something to happen, maybe I’m waiting for a miracle & I’ll wake up & this has just been a horrible dream.

I have been told by talking therapies that they feel I have PTSD, I have had my first appointment yet, maybe that’s what might waiting for, the miracle cure but panicking that if this doesn’t work, what do I do.
I know nothing can mend my broken heart but how am I supposed to live like this for the next god knows how many years. I’m just so exhausted from trying to make sense of how someone I had sat across from, shared 25 years with is just suddenly not here anymore.

I have wonderful family & friends but they just cannot help me, no one can ‍♀️

nicangel 46 minutes ago

Hi Debs I just wanted to send a big hug.

I can relate to the panic attacks. And the small things that set off a spiral of sadness and longing . Tonight I accidentally stood on the dog's paw. Queue a good few hours in the depths of despair thinking about how this proves everything bad happens to me and how stupid I am. I was never very good on perspective but now that Nick has gone it's not there at all. The dog is fine by the way.

The only thing that's been helping is something a counsellor I saw was saying - there has to be a process. A process of breathing in that cool blue air with all the thoughts and the panic and blowing it out with all the red hot anger and furious crying. Its very simplistic but it's the only thing I can take a breath with. It doesn't fix sh*t but it helps to release a tiny portion of this horror.

I've had EMDR before for PTSD I have after miscarriages and it's very good but it takes you through the grief so you have to be prepared for it to get worse before it gets better.

I hope you manage some sleep. Sending love

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