Feeling More Alive Again.

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As most of you will be aware I have had a tough time mentally since I lost my Darling Tina in December 2019. My stepsons have been magic. The one bought a Holiday home for his Mom to visit in Skegness and to get some sea air but sadly she was always too unwell to visit. I have been here in it since the 1st March 2020 to clear away a few awful Demons that I was gifted after my wife passed away. The visions of her suffering were the worst and just the speed of how it happened got to me.

I have walked every morning along Chapel Beach in St Leonards just thinking about all the good times we had, and burying in the sand all the bad times with her Cancer. I went with my Stepson and his Husband last Sunday night to the beach and released a Chinese Lantern( bio-degradeable) with a message on to her and my Stepson done the same. They both went out towards the sky at a rate of knots but she got them.

I will be the first to admit here in writing that the trip has done me the Power of Good and I now feel Mentally Refreshed and ready for what life can throw at me. Everyone on the Bereaved Partners and Spouses Forum, PLEASE Dont give up like I wanted to. There is Light at the End of the Tunnel.

Keep Strong Each and Everyone of you Wonderful People

John

AliG55 over 4 years ago in reply to Billythedog

I am so pleased to hear that you are coming out of your horrible period of darkness. We really do need to look after our mental well being, especially when we are grieving the loss of the loves of our lives.

I too have been away and walking along the shoreline and just sitting listening to the sea is so peaceful and calming. I have definitely come back with a more positive outlook.

Lets hope it lasts for both of us!

Ali x

Billythedog over 4 years ago in reply to AliG55

HI Ali. Thank You for your input. It is right, there is nothing more calming than the Sea. I was there every day at 6-7am and then again in the afternoon. I was really thinking about joining Tina and had it planned to the last detail, but something stopped me, and the break has given me a different outlook on life. I'm back to work today and will be taking things differently.

You keep strong Ali and believe me it will last because our Lost Loves are making sure of it.

Live Every Moment.....Smile Everyday.....Love beyond Words...

God Bless

John

BILLYTHEDOG

MelanieL over 4 years ago in reply to Billythedog

Hi John and all,

What you said to Sheila, John, makes so much sense and I totally agree. I have had lots of moments like that where I just knew with all my heart that now was th time to let go of something or to make a change, and each time I did I felt Paul was watching over me and in fact encouraging me to do exactly that.

Well done for being back running, Sheila, and for going to the gym also. I am sure it is good for you on all levels of your being. Yes there will be days when you won't feel like it but still you can do it and it will be fine.

Love, Mel.

I don't like the term "moving on" because it sounds to me like we are leaving our loved ones and the life we had with them behind. I like the term "moving forward" as it implies that, while life goes on, our loved ones are still with us in our hearts and minds.

Billythedog over 4 years ago in reply to MelanieL

Hi Melanie, Thank You for what you have added. What you say is spot on. We Move forward with Great Memories of our Loved Ones, not move on. I had the feeling of being spurred on by Tina, when I found the white feather I just knew she was there. I have found them many times in different places and at times when I was that low I felt like there was no way up. I wanted to end things and then there was a white feather either on the floor or fluttering on the grass. We will all still have bad days but we will get through them. You keep Paul in your Heart and Life will be Rosey Again.

God Bless Mel and Take Care

John

BILLYTHEDOG

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