It will be 4 months this week, it's certainly not getting any better. I have this awful realisation I'm not going to see my beloved Amanda again not In this life.
I so want to be able to engage with her, I talk but there is no answer, that longing to hold her it's eating away at me. I don't think I thought about it much these last few months, think I was stunned, in shock. But slowly that I'm never going to see her again realisation is setting in.
I've tried to be normal to but it eats away at you and whilst some things are ok many things are not places pictures memories they often set me off and not a day goes by without wet eyes or worse.
I know from reading here many of you feel this way, I found a particularly nice picture from about 4 years back she just looks so well, younger, so pretty, and to think how things changed so quickly. It's really upset me today, I'm sitting here feeling what is it all for.
I would love to believe that I will see her one day as a spirit maybe? I told her on her death bed we would be together one day again, and believing that seems to help. I sometimes feel her presence, I think there are signs but I can't be sure.
All I know is my love for her hasn't changed I feel as I've always felt and I miss her so.
Gary
