Hi everyone.
I have had a very busy week. I was teaching a Reiki workshop, saw my regular clients and had a number of new clients as well, wrote into my McMillan bolg and spoke to family and friends on the phone. In a few minutes, I will leave the house and go to my first ever Meetup meeting for an hour of walking around the park nearby. I was feeling okay all week really. Actually, I was surprised how well I was feeling, content at times, certainly well focused and clear and filled with appreciation for what is. But today I have been feeling beside myself. It is as if this feeling good is happening too fast for my system to catch up, like some part of me is saying, "Stop! That's too fast! It's too much change all at conce!" Also, I am really nervous because tomorrow is bereavement day at St. Luke's Hospital, the hospital where Paul died, and I was invited to come along. It will be meeting with others who have lost their loved ones in similar circumstances and there will be two talks on grieving and the grieving process, lunch for everyone, a time of silent reflection, a time for sharing and a short time of remembrance. I didn't think I would feel so nervous about going but I really do. It will be the first time that I am with others who are grieving in the same room since Paul's death and I have absolutely no idea what that is going to be like. I always feel like, yes, I can imagine going there for work - as all of you know I would love to work there - but not as the bereaved widdow. I actually feel my body contracting and nausea coming on when I think of myself and see myself there tomorrow. It's definitely a very intense time in some way.
Now I have to go and meet up with this lady - the only one - who responded this morning when I put the event up on Meetup. It's a big step for me to go because she doesn't know yet of my vision impairment. We will see how it goes. It will distract me a little from the nervousness anyway.
Love to everyone!
Mel.
