Lost

FormerMember over 5 years ago

13 replies
26 subscribers
9021 views

Hi All

i have recently come here after being on the Carers site since last April. I have posted my story a few weeks ago and thought I was doing ok but, I am back, in a mess, something has come over me this evening. My grown up sons who have spent so much time helping me care for my husband (stu) appear to be being pulled away by their partners. My observations are my sons and stu were so very close, it’s almost as if they are trying to take over allcontrol and pulling them away. I think I could possibly be reading too much into this but I feel so so lonely, stu even though Ill was always here, no matter how bad things got he was there if only to hold my hand, I feel so so lost and lonely. I feel like I am returning to work trying to move forward but I hate myself for it. Why or why couldn’t it be me instead of him. It has taken me a couple of hours to write this in between sobs. I really hate what my life had become and don’t know if this is what I want, is it ever going to get better.

The saying keeps coming back

a son is a son TIL he takes a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of your life.

sadly no daughter, I wish this would end, sooner rather than later

MelanieL over 5 years ago in reply to Sandypops

Hi Sandypops,

I lost my Paul last May and, like you, I don't understand where the time went and it will soon be 11 months. At first I often thought, "Why not me?" but now I know that I want to live, I want to be here, I just don't really want to be here without him, but this is what I have to do now and it is fine. You say that you seem to get reminders of your loss wherevery you turn, but you could perhaps also say that you get memories of what you have had wherever you turn? Somebody said this to me the other day and I found it so wise: Don't always think of what you have lost, but think of what you had and how precious it was to have loved and been loved like this. That really helps me.

Love, Mel.

I don't like the term "moving on" because it sounds to me like we are leaving our loved ones and the life we had with them behind. I like the term "moving forward" as it implies that, while life goes on, our loved ones are still with us in our hearts and minds.

MelanieL over 5 years ago

Dear Annie,

I am so sorry for your loss. And it must have been so difficult to have to deal with this loss while you yourself were undergoing such aggressive treatment. I really hope that you have support around you and people who can be there for you in this difficult time in a loving way.

Love, Mel.

FormerMember over 5 years ago in reply to FormerMember

Hello Annie,

You and I have had similar experiences, I lost my George soon after my chemo. It's hard to handle things when you cannot even get out of bed and you are grieving the loss of your husband. I had crushed vertebra after Chemo- more than likely a side effect of treatment. It has been almost a year and I am responding well to treatment and am Gradually recovering from the loss of George. I am like you also lucky to have good insurance to cover medical costs for my treatment.

Good luck for your recovery.

Hugs

Millie

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