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Tomorrow I have a ct scan to check for recurrence.. I haven't been worried at all but today it just sort of hit me that there really is a good chance the cancer has come back. I just keep reminding myself that I have done everything possible to lower my chance of recurrence and hopefully that was enough!
On top of my fear of recurrence I'm worried about the ct scan itself. Last time I had one I felt so nauseas during the injection of dye and Im nervous it will happen again! Especially since...
The last few days I’ve been feeling increasingly chipper… my next R-CHOP is on the 9th and suddenly it felt like there was a chance to fit three weeks of living into a ten day span.
I’d been out and walked the dog for the first time in yonks and blown the Christmas cobwebs away at last and have been saying yes to all sorts of visitors squeezing themselves in to see me before the bad times hit again.
Yesterday I gave the dog a circuit of the graveyard (his usual minimum...
So with the new year I thought I might give blogging a go! Resolutions and all... I'll start at the beginning.
In September of 2011, I noticed a black dot in the middle of a mole on my nose. Not concerned at first, I ignored it but as the months passed the dot got bigger until it completely covered up the original mole (about the size of a pencil eraser). My mother suggested I make an appointment with my gp and in December I had it checked out. My gp looked at it and said it was definitely nothing...
Have read many posts on the Mac site which echo what I've been feeling about Christmas & New Year.
It has been a strange and difficult time of year. It is still hard to come to terms with the fact that this time last year my dearly loved man was only just beginning his chemo and then everything came to an end in June. How can that be? How is it possible to gain some kind of perspective on everything that happened last year? What do I do with those memories, the memories of sheer gut-wringing...
I understand food is difficult for many people undergoing chemotherapy… it takes away your appetite, it makes food taste weird…smell weirder.
It’s very much a case of a little bit of what you fancy does you good…. it’s just finding something to fancy.
The whole food thing is exacerbated for me as my diet is so a)restricted by my ulcerated colon andb)bound up in the neurosis of knowing if i choose wrongly i’ll end up lying in vomit followed by a trip to...
(27 Dec, 2012)
Out of hospital on Christmas eve and Christmas morning I began to suspect it hadn’t been a totally wise decision as I got up and felt breathless and tight chested.
We had a quiet Christmas just me and Jane and the boy and much of mine was spent lying on the sofa or back in bed trying to get to the end of the day without having to phone the hospital again…. unfortunately this meant waiting mostly for lunch and present opening. Yes you did read right..presents come...
(24 Dec, 2012)
(all hum along now….)
Second cycle of chemo and like a 5 year old expected to go to school Tuesday as well as Monday… and slowly dawning on them that they have to keep on going whether its fun or not, I’m slowly waking up to the reality of a long haul.
The difference between being ill and taking some medicine to get better and being ill (well …self destroying) and poisoning oneself to out-poison the interlopers is HUGE.
Saturday night found...
(21 Dec, 2012)
Well… supposedly the world will be ending before I finish this post – so it won’t much matter that I’ve totally not got Christmas together this year.
Apologies to those of you who usually get a card off me… I just havn’t got my shit together except the ones the boy can drop round the neighbours.
Bigger apologies to those who usually get a present off me… If you get one it means I know something you like thats always welcome and I...
(12 Dec, 2012)
yay….highly original [not] title for the long awaited hair loss blog.
The chemo I’m on is R CHOP and hair loss is pretty much definite…. its something I’ve been quite excited about as I spent chunks of my youth with a number 1 or number 2…. sometimes bequiffed…most oftener not. I like not having hair… I like the way it makes you have to face the world full square on and have nowhere to hide.
I think everyone should have their...
