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The Phoenix Rises
Imagine the feeling just after Christmas 2016 when I felt a lump in my left breast. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.
The message from the media is to get these matters checked out ASAP.
I was referred to the Breast unit at Broomfield Hospital and had an ultra sound and biopsy in March 2017. The early indication was that I had a “malignancy which would need treatment”. Despite the absolute professionalism and kindness from the Biopsy team tears did follow; given the “shock” as I had hoped it was just...
Mum was worn out today, had so many visitors, 12 in all, too many really. That's the down side to having open visiting, at one point there were 7 of us. Everyone means well, and it's lovely that they want to see mum, but it's just so tiring for her.
Mum's room is lovely, with views over the garden, but because of the pain she is in she couldn't turn her head to see it, so the nurse did the next best thing- she turned mum's bed round to face the window. I'm not sure if mum was bothered...
Long day at work today, got so much to do, feels like I've put it first, but need to spend some time helping sort things for an audit. Some unexpected rule changes have come to light and s**t could be hitting the fan. Failing the audit could mean problems for us, big problems, so selfishly I'm thinking long term. Can't afford to have to think about having to find another job. Managed to go a little early, so got to mum at 4.45, and spent a couple of hours with mum. She's hooked up to morphine...
Mum was transferred to a hospice today, it's a short stay unit, usually for a couple of weeks. If her symptoms plateau it's likely she will be moved to a nursing home, but they won't move her if her condition worsens. I don't want her to go to a nursing home, so I'm struggling with the alternative.
Disappointed I wasn't at hospital this afternoon when lady from hospice came to speak to mum & my brother. I would have liked to hear first hand what's on offer, I was supposed to but my brother didn't call me. Have found he hasn't been taking everything in & mum is dosed up on morphine so not sure of full facts. Hospice can only take people for 2 weeks apparently, but mum & brother have contradicted themselves. If more than 2 weeks care needed it's done at a care home. Or you start at a care home...
I had no idea where to put this, as it doesn't really fit into any of the groups on site. But then, I guess I don't really fit into any one group on site.
Today is a bad day.
I was all geared up for yesterday, expecting to be called by the Hysteroscopy nurse to tell me how we are going to proceed with treating the womb cancer and what my biopsy showed - but she never called. So I'm still in limbo, not sure what's going on inside of me and with no plan on how to fix it. ...
It has been two months since I last posted. I have been going for my lymphatic drainage massages every Friday. I feel so blessed to be alive and well. This week will be my last session and I will miss the conversation I had with the specialist for that hour I am relaxing in her bed. Back at work things were not as I imagined but all will be sorted in time. When I was diagnosed I never felt like a victim and now after mastectomy I don't feel like a victim. I look at my scars and see life. To me it...
So after losing mum to Gallbladder cancer just over a month ago my life has been devastated
We finally got to have her funeral last Tuesday after such a long wait and the day went without any hitches and mum would have been proud.
Up to Tuesday I was some what holding it together and wasn't sure how but once I was standing there in the chapel this sense of doom came over me
My mum was gone
My best friend
My person
She was never coming back and that is something I am struggling...
Met with mum's doctor today . Although they are still waiting for some results from all the tests, today they confirmed what we had already guessed, that there is little they can do for mum other than keep her comfortable. Whilst upsetting, it's not a shock. We are due to meet palliative care team to discuss care etc, but a move to a hospice is on the cards. I know some people have strong feelings about being at home, but in my heart I am happy that mum had chosen this.
So, this all started back in January when after having what I thought was an enlarged gland in my neck after a virus!
I used google!
Not to diagnose myself but to ask when should I see a doctor?? You see, I'm not one for doctors. I rarely ever go, and avoid as much as possible. I don't like 'wasting their time'! Anyway, as I had had the lump for longer than 6 weeks, it suggested I should get it checked out.
I finally got an appointment at my docs for Feb 6th without telling anyone...
