So, this all started back in January when after having what I thought was an enlarged gland in my neck after a virus!
I used google!
Not to diagnose myself but to ask when should I see a doctor?? You see, I'm not one for doctors. I rarely ever go, and avoid as much as possible. I don't like 'wasting their time'! Anyway, as I had had the lump for longer than 6 weeks, it suggested I should get it checked out.
I finally got an appointment at my docs for Feb 6th without telling anyone - I really thought I would be able to come home and say that I had got it checked and it was all ok! So imagine my shock when the doctor said they were sure it would be fine but they were referring me to the hospital! I went straight round to my mums house and completely freaked out! She was worried and cross that I hadn't said anything to anyone.
Later that night I told my husband, it was a tough conversation to have. He too was cross that I hadn't said anything and that I had gone through the worry on my own but I think I really didn't expect them to refer me, I mean, it was a gland, and I had been ill over Christmas!
But then everything had changed and I think I knew deep down then what the results would be.
I was seen a week later (Tuesday 13th February) by the ENT clinic, the consultant examined me and then stuck a camera up my nose and down in to my throat. It wasn't pleasant but I coped. He sent me for blood tests and said that I needed an ultra sound, CT scan and biopsis.
It was getting serious! And I am the biggest wimp ever! How the heck would I get through this!
Saturday 17th February - I turned 40!!
My 40th year was supposed to be an epic one! I was in the process of planning 40 different ways of celebrating and enjoying my birthday with all the amazing people in my life! It wasn't supposed to be like this!
I had a lovely meal with my children and husband, and then we hit the town with our friends! I had a fab night and did manage to put it to the back of my mind!
Monday 19th February - Tests!!
So off we went to the hospital, firstly I had an ultra sound. It didn't hurt at all but I cried all the way through. I was so scared! scared of the unknown. I literally was an emotional wreck! They didn't tell me anything, no hints nothing! I think I was still hoping that they would say - its all fine -you can go home now! The doctor wanted me to see her again after my CT scan to do a biopsy. So we went downstairs for the scan. They inserted a cannula into my hand and I had to drink 2 cups of water they then put an iodine solution in.
I lay down and they scanned me. It was ok, not a full body scan so I wasn't totally enclosed! I had to take a deep breath and hold it a few times whilst the scanner moved up and down me. Then I started to feel really itchy! Luckily the scan had finished so I was able to tell the nurse and he said Id had a reaction from the Iodine! A couple of antihistamine later and I felt much better!
I went back upstairs to the ultrasound area and waited for the biopsy, I was a nervous wreck! The radio was playing and all of a sudden my dads song came on (I lost my Dad 10 years ago) This tipped me over the edge! I was a blubbering mess! Was my Dad trying to tell me everything would be ok!
I had 2 different biopsies taken. A core biopsy and needle biopsy. I wasn't nice, but they it was over quite quickly with just a small cut on my neck! I was sent home, to wait for my results!
Tuesday 27th February - Results!
So the day I had both been dreading and wanting had arrived. After many sleepless nights, I would finally find out what was going on!
Or so I thought, they hadn't had all the test results back! It was so frustrating. My bloods were all normal, and the scan showed an abnormality in my neck - but this could be an infection.
The core biopsy results were not back - they advised me that it could be because they had done further extensive testing!
The consultant basically told me at this point that he believed it was cancer! He said the C word. I was numb and scared but I still didn't know for definite! I just wanted to know!
Tuesday 6th March - Results Take 2
So I make my way back to the hospital with my husband. I'm prepared for the worst, I know what they are going to say. Well I'm as prepared as I can be! Its still the unknown!
Sure enough it is a Lymphoma, a cancer that is in the blood. The lump that I thought was a gland is Cancer!! The reality is I wont be able to hide it from my children! This is the most heart-breaking thing! I cant protect them from it! How the hell can I tell them something as horrible as this!
My hubby and I cried so much, we were scared, worried, angry, we literally had every emotion possible. We went straight to my mums house and waited for her to get home from work. I had told the kids I was on a trip with work (I'm a T.A in a school) so they weren't expecting me home til later!
My mum knew the minute she walked through the door, I hadn't rang her with 'good news' so she expected the bad news. My sister in law came straight round and then my brother a bit later. We cried, we talked about 'what next' and decided on the plan of action as far as the kids were concerned. All the practical stuff that I can control.
So the waiting starts again: I will either be treated by Oncology or Haematology department and have to wait for them to contact me.
I messaged the few close friends that I know, they too were waiting to hear so the fact that I hadn't actually messaged them and it was 7pm I think they knew! I told them it was time to get my big girls pants on - and that I was ready for the fight. I didn't want to be all doom and gloom and tried to be as positive as I could be!
I managed to go back to work the next day, and tried to be as normal as I could be!
