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Had a bit more sleep last night, mainly because I was able to lay in a bit today
I normally deal with things quite well I think, yet I find myself just sitting here staring into space. I’m scared, I’m worried I’m .......................... (What am I)
This afternoon I have some pre op tests planned
Tomorrow evening I have a CT scan, it’s at 7pm. What a crazy time but I assume they have staff working in these departments all the time so why not make use of them
Its now day 7 after my 5th chemo (Docetaxel) and i am so encouraged its better than the last one where I literally wanted to die!
The limb pain is there but being numbed by painkillers, the mouth is just starting to get sore, and the numbness in my toes isnt scary once you know it wont last. feeling down is still a bugger because trying to hang onto perspective is hard!
Also if one more person says 'hey you look fantastic, so well' when I feel so poorly and its just the makeup I will crumple and...
I saw the oncologist yesterday, but the appointment didn't produce anything conclusive. The news in detail was neither better nor worse than what I'd already been told. It is - so far as is known - cancer of unknown primary, with metastases in the chest and neck lymph nodes. They're going to do an ENT endoscopy (a look to see if anything's hiding in my sinuses) but meanwhile I'm booked for a few cycles of a standard catch-all chemotherapy regime - cisplatin and docetaxel - starting in a fortnight...
I have not had a full night’s sleep since Friday, I wake at around 2am and so much going round in my head I’m not really going back to sleep.
Today is my 1st day back to work after my diagnosis.
Questions from everyone, I have enough of my own!!
My diagnosis isn’t really complete so I don’t know what’s happening myself.
That said it’s nice to know your friends at work are concerned about you.
I’m thinking of my wife a lot as I know she holds stuff in and this...
On Sunday 2 September I braced myself for grief. From a few days before I knew what was coming. Six months since he took his final breath.
I lit all his candles, and I kneeled down in front of my photos, ‘the shrine’ to him. I was sad. As I spoke to him I shed a tear. But I didn’t feel the grief I expected.
You can’t plan for grief. It may not come on those days that you expect. It will hit you when you least expect. That is the lesson I learnt today.
As I stood...
