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So, you find out a loved one has cancer, it isn't happening to you, but your world crashed the same as theirs. It has been since June we found out, both had a 50th birthday, (It's young to me), Even though my daughter says she is really old at 30 yeah right! - Changed jobs, live life, cried, laughed, hidden away, argued, buried heads, faced the music, played music, danced, well I did, my husband sort of moves.
And we are still here, fighting but extremely exhausted trying to be normal. If there...
October 2014
found a small lump on the right side of my neck about the size of a pea
Welcome to my first attempt at blogging I hope that readers find it useful.
My journey started when I was 24 and newly married, I developed excruciating hip pain which developed over the years and was routinely diagnosed as sciatica, lumbago, neck pain, whiplash etc. I had to give up many sports I enjoyed as the pain had a serious impact on my working and family life. Being a police officer I was able to keep reasonably active though in the end the disease ended my police career at the age of 45...
..... went up to RM last week for CT, MRI, Pre-op Assessment, appt. with Oncologist and Surgeon - everything went as planned until we saw the Onc - we thought she was just going to tell us how the 25 sessions of radiotherapy had affected 'BETTY' but instead we heard 'I am very sorry I have bad news for you - the cancer has escaped and you have 'nodules' in your lungs and will need 'chemo' !!!!! mmmmm yes a bit of a surprise to say the least.
The good news (well you have...
The week when the dreaded and anticipated agony was to arrive was not unlike any other week before it really. Brian had gradually started feeling more fatigued, he tried to hide muscle weakness to his legs but did admit he was hiding it when I could see he couldn't stand easily and looked worried once he had managed to stand. As though he couldn't feel his legs. He announced one day that he could no longer walk the dog - something we had got a lot of pleasure from when he was first discharged...
Brian quickly recovered himself - composed himself. His way of dealing with it I guess. Perhaps in part cognitively unable to process it fully? According to the specialist nurse. I think it was more his personality not to be negative and refuse to surrender. He was brave and determined not to be told he was going to die. He said - no I am going to live. We will have to see who is right - either I am or they are. And that was his stance right to the bitter end.
I on the other hand could not lay down...
The days that followed the initial 'it could be a brain tumour' discussion didn't bring much information and we were left unsure, uncertain guessing what the future was to hold optimistic, then worried. Then frustrated, terror hope and fear. No answers - always waiting for this result and that result and this test. In fact I think we didn't actually know exactly what we were dealing with for about six weeks. Was it malignant or benign? Was it a tumour or an abscess? Was it curable...
When people worry they have a brain tumour you might think they are being dramatic and that really they have a headache. I thought brain tumours were rare. Maybe they are - but not rare enough. I can type for England and I can talk about it for England - because Brian is all that is on my mind most seconds of most minutes.
When Brian first became ill with a brain tumour. I found it difficult to find information about the disease or inform myself with other peoples similar experience of this wretched...
Just a quick post.
Really a post on my thoughts at the recent passing of influential people from this awful disease.
I don't know about you but since finding out my terminal diagnosis hearing that a well known person has passed away from Cancer really hits me hard, and lately there have been a few. Today's news about David Bowie and the recent news of Lemmy from Motorhead has made me very thoughtful.
I think we view our 'celebrities' as indestructible so when news like this breaks we inevitably...
So we saw consultant today, I have grade 2 25mm ductal carcinoma and need to have a sentinel lymph node biopsy Tuesday. So decision made to tell dad and my youngest girls tonight as family coming up over the weekend ahead of mums funeral Monday. Dad took the news better than I expected and it was a huge weight lifted from my shoulders knowing i don't need to hide any longer. There were tears of course and lots of hugs but he was amazingly suportive.
my girls were tougher, very tense and scared...
