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Wednesday 22ne February 2017
I've been awake since 3am and didn't get to sleep till 12.30 am, and have been to the loo twice in that time, so not a great night so far,so thought I'd catch up with the blog.
Yesterday I went for my fifth chemotherapy session. I really didn't want to go, the chemo sessions are fine, the ladies there are wonderful, it's just the after effects which are horrible, which kick in a few days after. I got up and made some scones to take in for the ladies...
Well I think this is gonna be a long blog, but sometimes it is easier to write than talk. Talking is hard it brings tears and emotions that I can not deal with. I am 65 now and have dealt with more crap than most but this latest roller coaster ride has got to be the worst ever.
My partner Sharon is only 53, a right tough South London bird with the biggest heart you could wish for. Family, is Sharon's main concern, Good or bad Sharon will be there, give them stick, give them love give them hugs, end...
I’m finally in a positon, I’m able to sit down for more than 30 seconds before my backside starts to hurt, to write a few lines on my experiences in hospital. As I have mentioned elsewhere I have had a pan proctocolectomy removing my whole large bowel, anus and rectum. I have had what used to be my bum sewn up (hence the issues with sitting down) and I now have a stoma.
Pretty major stuff but I have to tell you I have not felt so good for many, many months.
I can now eat a meal, small...
Sunday 19th February.
Well I'm well and truly fed up with a capital F tonight. It's been a few days of feeling ok, I've been out for lovely walks, met up with friends but then absolute sadness. Nobody would know though by looking at me.
I'm putting this down in words because I need to read it back hopefully one day to know things are better. It won't make nice reading, but I need to get it out.
I feel lonely, that's the worst of it. I can't talk to anyone because if...
during this time. This has been used by my local MP who has taken it forward to the health department to hopefully obtain a substantive response as to why the drug has been removed from the NICE list?
My story started when I was diagnosed with a Neuroendocrine Tumor to the pancreas.
I was at my Doctors surgery and I noticed that they were providing well man checks for the over 40s Male. I decided to take these basic checks. After a couple of weeks, the initial blood test that I had given came back...
So.....it's been over a week since mum died and my last post was titled final chapter but I still want to write. Maybe it will help, it might not but anythings worth a go. And is also fuelled by a wee Beveridge but here goes.
Mum had a rare form of brain tumour which no one has been known to survive .........ever.
Yet even when mum was ill in intensive care and the doctors were having conversations with us about withdrawing medication etc I still never gave up hope. Through all the dark days...
That's the end of week two of RT. 11 sessions down - 9 to go. I'm in single figures now, and heading the right way! This week, the mask has been no problem whatsoever. I have my (Treatment + Scan) on a Tuesday, which lasts about 15 mins in the mask. The rest of the week is just treatment, which entails approximately 7 minutes in the regalia. I now only take one half of a little helper, which sees me through nicely, and I can go out for lunch with the missus after treatment, and I still appear half...
I had a trying day today. I probably don't have to explain this in detail - the day for lovers, and mine is in a box on the funeral directors' shelf (and I really need to do something about that... but that's another post). I was in a knot of anger and self-pity from yesterday morning onward. Hating it and hating myself but unable to bring any influence to bear on my state of mind. My body feels permeated with anger and frustration - my skin and hair are dry, my nails flaky, my digestion erratic...
Tuesday 14th February.
It's Valentine's Day and I've just has a M&S meal deal, it's been a busy day work wise and we didn't want to cook, good old M&S saved the day, it was very tasty. I bought it yesterday after the hospital appointment and I was sneezed on by a man in the queue, I hope I don't come down with a cold! I do worry about how I will cope with work after the lumpectomy and radiotherapy but I'll have to cross that bridge when I come to it, so far it's been manageable. ...
