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This weekend was amazing, this is why its so hard to accept todays news.....
One of our dear friends brought us a meal, with candles, tablecloth etc to the hospital, for us to celebrate our pending anniversary. It created a memory I will have for the rest of my life and the smile it created on Paul's face will live with me forever.
I love you darling with all my heart. Don't leave me, not yet, we are not ready. :'(
Today came the news I have been dreading. I think I knew it was imminent, but never expected to hear the words. My darling man of 3 years has a matter of weeks to live. I cannot begin to describe how I feel. ANGRY..... at him for leaving me, at cancer for stealing him from me, at myself for not being able to do more to keep him. I would rather he leave me for another woman, at least there is a chance I could win him back, if only it was about that.
This gorgeous man has made me the happiest I have...
Last week. [ I apologize ] If I offended anyone I looked at some porn on the advice of a friend. I have not looked since but my weeing has Improved. I'm getting up less during the night and can now go out during the day without fear of wetting myself for at least three hour's. I don't know If It was the porn that helped."after all nothing happened physically" maybe It was the hope I generated within my mind that porn would help. In other word's I had a belief that It would [ I think so I am ] I still...
It feels a bit funny writing this blog, which will be seen by strangers and the few of my friends whom I've told about it, rather than giving my news to my family and friends first. When the news is not good, you're not exactly in a tearing hurry to impart it to all and sundry. But I want to talk about it, which is where this blog comes in helpful. And I don't really mind if no one reads it!
I had a CT scan last Monday at the Christie. I was in a lot of pain that day, and had had 6 days...
