Last Supper

I got arrived back in Devon late last night. Just in time. My dad had deteriorated again, my brother was struggling on his own. Last night he had a disturbed night, waking for pain relief and cramp in his leg which I massaged. Next time I found him on the toilet, God knows how he got there, he's so weak. He'd not made it in time so we changed the sheets and cleaned him up, transferring him back to bed he could barely…

Sunday night is the worst night for me. I often lie awake feeling anxiety flood into my body, knowing I won't sleep, trying not give into the urge to cry in case I cannot stop. My boyfriend leaves on Sunday night, late, to drive back to London as he has to work on Monday's. Maybe part of the anxiety is knowing I'm now alone with it all.

Yesterday I started to worry about dad not eating, every time I ask him…

Every Friday night I travel from London by car with my boyfriend to my dad's place in Devon, down narrow country roads, to care for him until Monday night.

My oldest brother arrives Monday night to take over dads care. He also travels from London. He takes me to the station so I can go home, back to work and try to recuperate for the few days I have off.

Simon my younger brother travels down on Wednesday night and…