week 6 and 3 days after losing my Lesley

FormerMember
FormerMember
  • 29 replies
  • 25 subscribers
  • 2311 views

I really don't want to continue with my life as it is, losing Les was hard enough at the time but i feel totally depressed and feeling i shouldn't carry on with out her by my side. i go to bed worrying about the next day wake up not wanting to get up laying in bed until 10-11-12 am i cant go back to work and i have nothing to look forward to in my life.  i wake up knowing i'm by myself after 28 years it feels nothing can help. my home is not mine after all this time worrying about the things we shouldn't. her whispers at night are gone and her laughter too. i'm crying all the time and thinking of the what if's before the cancer i've looked at all the holiday pics that just makes things worse for me. i bought some angel cards wanting to get answers as Les didn't leave a letter before she died explaining anything she had done before the cancer  took her. I'm in limbo  not knowing, things just don't seem real i'm totally alone. like a ship going out of the harbour and never returning. i'm empty inside my head is loss just need to feel something..........    positive  ..........   she was the foundation of the family and it feels like its falling down around me 

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Thank you for your comment  and the suggestion for samaritans I was having a melt down today.

    i do hope that you are ok tomorrow. !  xxx  Mark.xx

  • Hi everyone.

    Thank you for all sharing your feelings on here.

    My Pineapple I shall be thinking of you tomorrow and of course it’s just one week since my Gordon’s funeral. I am finding such comfort in pictures, videos and recordings of his voice. I’ve been tidying cupboards all week and moving some of his things  but only putting them all in one drawer instead of nine or ten. He was always messy bless him.

    Our car was serviced yesterday but we were due to change it and now I don’t know what sort to get as we hadn’t planned that far. I am taking care of our dog better than I take care  of me. 

    I wish I could get out and see people but I am also glad I have to still isolate so I can stay under the duvet.

    Take acre everyone and again My Pineapple  I will think of you tomorrow. 

    June 

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Kate I'm thankful for your comment, I don't cope to well but i'm reading all the comments and feel i'm not the only one in this hell. Thank you    Mark.x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to ChilliChilli

    Donna, Thank you for sharing Mark x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to Kenickiesmum

    Kenickiesmum  I thank you for sharing It don't feel that we can't see past today let alone tomorrow, its a difficult time no matter how long our loved ones has passed.  Mark x 

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to ellie 73

    Ellie, I'm reading your comment and hope that i'm as strong as you, It seems that from the day Les died or even a couple weeks before I was in a state tbh I never had time to think about her dying when she was ill as i was looking after her 24/7 and it hit me when she had to go into hospital to never come back out.   thank you Mark x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to Kenickiesmum

    Thank you xxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to Kenickiesmum

    Absolutely. Xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to ChilliChilli

    I’m so sorry Donna. None of us had enough time did we. That’s the heart break! Xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Thank you xx