12 months!

The various anniversaries we all have to face are hard to cope with. But, for me, I find the run-up to such dates more difficult than the actual dates themselves. 

I hope you have a nice day at the beach - getting out and about always helps, I think.

All the best.

The day my Hubby left was 14th May . So just over a week before your Loss. I don't know which was worse ..the lead up to April when it was all the Birthdays and our W. Anniversary or this month. And to me it doesn't seem like a year in some ways that we were going through that terrible time and yet it seems forever since I last heard his voice . I don't really understand the concept of marking one of  the worst days of our lives. It's a day we dread. My friend who lost her Husband 11 years ago on my Birthday would always make arrangements to spend the day with family or friends. He died on my Birthday , so it's a day I will never forget ,nor do I celebrate it. Sunny days should make us feel better, but they make me feel even more sad because My Hubby isn't here to enjoy the warmth on his poor old back  And we had to be sure the weather was good because  the damp, cold weather affected his Lungs as well as his back injury.               You did so well doing a skydive to raise money. So brave . I couldn't do it I'm terrified of heights. It's nice that friends/ family remembered the day . My family did ,but nobody mentioned it except for one sister sending a text,which I have to say I ignored because it was all I could do to keep myself from crying and screaming at my Mother's house. I hope someone pops over to spend some time with you. Maybe you prefer to be alone with your thoughts ,but we do tend to dwell on the awful last events too much and it is so Damn Depressing. As if we aren't depressed enough. This Day will pass as others are passing quickly. And tomorrow is another day to get through and try come to terms with our " New way of Life " A Lady said to  me . "Think of this as another Adventure " I had no answer to that ...well actually I probably could have thought of something ,but I didn't want to upset her. Good for her if she can have that positive attitude after losing her Husband,But we can't all look at our New Chapter in the same way. Anyway Many of us will be thinking of you today. At least it's not raining ,which can make everything seem much more miserable. Take care Cx 

It's the loneliness I'm finding hard to bear. All those hours of silence, the empty house, the radio on to hear another voice. I am so lonely I can feel it in my bones. I ache for him. I feel on auto pilot, performing the daily rituals but with no heart, no joy. I see friends sometimes (when they can fit me in) but it's just a very temporary respite. I wonder if the loneliness gets better? I can't see how it would really. 

I'm not at the year mark, but I don't see it as celebrating, more perhaps reflection. I still remember the day my step son was killed, and that was many years ago, and this was the first year without Tony. Same with mum, we actually have a family meal near the time she died but that's because of practical reasons as she died just before Christmas. Noone has to do anything, but many people do want to mark it in some way, flowers on a grave for example if there is one, a moment of solitude, or let it pass like any other day. I cant forget those days are part of my life, so I can't ignore them completely. But whatever you do or don't do is fine, we all approach these days with different feelings.

AlyG I hope you had a lovely walk on the beach. 

Having 4 dogs in the house ,it's not always quiet. But I really miss the company of my soulmate. He could always make me laugh. I haven't really genuinely smiled or laughed since the day I lost him. And find it difficult to visualise a time in the future when I will find anything funny again. Or Be Happy. 

Me too.  Nick was my best friend as well as my husband.  I miss being someone's number 1, being able to have a hug whenever I needed it, saying I love you,  noone says it to me anymore and I guess won't ever again.  Noone holds my hand or has my back.

Your words resonate so strongly with me. It's not just the loss of your love, it's everything you were to them too. No wonder we're left feeling like half a person. 

Its usually the TV for me Spirit and you're right it does break the silence slightly. I don't have it on 24/7 as Jay would have had he was a terrible couch potato and channel surfer. It only goes on at certain times of the day for me now and even then I may not be watching it. Just a noise. 

xx

That first year does fly in Alyg. I found that as well and well done for getting there. I can't tell you if it will get easier because we all deal with grief differently. I was neither up nor down I think. Think the first year you are still coming to terms with them not being there and you are sorting everything out so you have at least some focus on something else. The 2nd for me I felt it that bit more and now I am coming up to my 3rd next month (June) I feel I have moved forward slightly its still hard sometimes to come to terms that decisions you make about everything now are just yours to make and you constantly worry if you are doing the right thing sometimes where you used to to have the additional input from your other half. Things like that now can be a bit of an ordeal. 

xx

I think I have struggled to believe Ade is not coming back home and have kept busy doing practical things. Now that these are completed or in hand I am left with the reality of being on my own . I’ve heard that for some people it gets harder from this point, however I really don’t see that is possible I feel completely broken