Day in day out and the nightmare goes on. Its been 7 weeks now which I know isn't long (feels like eternity) . I'm so tired of facing this reality each day. A part of my brain is still hoping for it to get better but I can't see that ever happening. I am so tired of the unrelenting horrible reality each day and every night. He's not here except in my head. How can I carry on dealing with it. I feel like I'm in my own unreal real world and nothing can really help. It takes so much energy just to go from day to night, night to day. Don't get me wrong, I'm seeing people, doing stuff. But I feel like a freak compared to others in my life and I feel like I'm deceiving myself that I'm ok. I'm not ok. I'm tired. People say I'm strong and I'm doing really well. A friend says distraction is all very well but she worries I'm avoiding grieving. But I feel the crushing weight of grief. I used to be positive and happy. Now I feel like a rubbish version of myself. Just had to vent. I know you will understand. Thank you for being there.
I know you are right. And hopefully our minds have some magical way of getting us through it. I've just imagined us all here being like little lights, all on our own but connected through this terrible experience and understanding. I had anticipated what it would be like, imagined it over and over. But none of that ever truly prepared me. I do find comfort that we are here to listen and talk. Thank goodness! X
