Self neglect

Dear Melanie,

 I must admit not taking my prescribed medication made me unwell even skipping a days tablets, probably my anti depressant withdrawal kicking in.  So far I have taken medication every day for over a week, so will stick at it.  My counsellor persuaded me to hand in Lynn’s medication which I had kept hidden at home.  It fact it feels good it’s out of my house.  

Thank you for the suggestions I will certainly give them a try.   You are right Lynn wouldn’t want me self neglecting myself.

Take care 

x

Dear Geoff, Thank you for your reply.  I, too, have struggled with thoughts of not wanting to be here.  But I'm still here, I suppose.  I'm in a twilight world.  I have to fight the despair each day.

Take care,

Hi all,

I think the way we are all feeling is a natural reaction to our loss. We loved our other halves so much and we had only imagined our future lives as a twosome. So to now be carrying on our lives without them feels wrong, disloyal and like we are betraying them. But that isn’t the case.

None of us asked for this life, none of us wanted this life. If we could have what we wanted then of course our partners would still be alive and well and we would be enjoying each day with them. But they are not and that is no one’s fault. I never had any of those final goodbye conversations with my hubby, he never wanted to think about his life coming to an end and just wanted to keep going. But I know that if he could speak to me now he would be telling me to keep going each day. He doesn’t get to see his kids anymore or our grandson, so he would want me to do this for the both of us. He would want me to have holidays to places we both loved and basically keep living life. He would know that I would carry on loving him until the day I die. 

So carry on we must. I guess it would be more of a betrayal if we just gave up on life by choice when im sure all our partners would desperately love to still be here given the choice.

Wishing strength for us all to keep outing one foot in front of the other xx

HI MEL, I've not reached your stage yet after nearly 19months. Oh sure I look after myself and do the house keeping and shopping. But the whole business is a charade. Yet life goes on for me -  mores the pity. But I dont want it to. I want out!   As for what my darling Anne would want? Well she's not here to share and experience my feelings so where does any of that apply?  Bottom line its all about me now living in this Earth plain. And Im not happy. Sorry to rain on your parade Mel

I see what you mean. I am not saying that I am enjoying it all wholeheartedly but reminding myself of what Paul would want for me has certainly helped me to move forward. But only because this has worked for me or does work in some part doesn't mean that it has to work for you. We are all different as you know and our grief is very personal.