Weekends

Hi smosie. This is a regular topic amongst us and a resounding yes. Fewer things to do, in my case fewer buses, and everyone is doing stuff with their families. Im recovering from a tetanus jab which has knocked me for 6 so I wouldnt have wanted company but it makes me miss Tony more. He wasnt a fuss around me person but he would make sure I drank and ate, and I cant be bothered on my own. You may not have had a better week but maybe youve had some better hours or days? Sometimes thats good enough. 

Tried very hard this week to keep busy and occupied, reached out and met people I hadn't seen since the funeral, really trying to build something that resembles a life he would have wanted for me, but today he's everywhere, 14 months today though so maybe that's why

Well yesterday I spent the whole day alone when I really needed people around me, all busy, and everything just fell to pieces, I found myself breaking down with heart renching sobs, I couldn't stop, I kept shouting out this is so unfair and that I can't do this without you, I needed him so bad yesterday, every time I feel I take a step forwards something smacks me right back against a brick wall, this just really hurts

I am really sorry to hear that. You must be exhausted. That feeling of being alone is devastating. When I have one of those sessions, I need to sleep for hours afterwards. Will you see anyone today ? 

I wondered why I was so exhausted today, but that makes sense, it was the hardest I have cried since the early days of losing him, I do have some company today on and off thankfully, I sometimes have an irrational fear of being alone, turning the 12 months in April has brought on a whole set of new emotions 

I know these feelings only too well, being alone when everyone seems surrounded by happy families and friends. I feel worse now than in the beginning, I think the reality has hit home and spending so much time on my own makes it harder. I've tried contacting people but they tell me about their plans rather than suggest seeing me. Nobody sees how desperate I feel. I don't know how to do this on my own and I don't know where to find help or support. I really thought I was doing ok, but now I'm back where I started. 

That's exactly how I feel, there are so many of us but we all live so far apart to meet

I've tried to find a local bereavement group but there don't seem to be any. It's crazy, there are so many of us struggling alone and lost. I went to one at the hospice but it was only for six weeks and now they all seem too busy to keep in contact. It felt like 'go away and get on with it' was the message. I'm trying to, I really am, but I feel as if I'm stranded in a foreign country and I don't speak the language. 

I tried a widows friend group but it wasn't for me, they were all much further in their journey and were talking about lunches holidays etc, one even had a new partner, I needed to talk about feelings and coping so I withdrew from it

As you know, ive friended some of you, smosie, let me know if you want adding.

Do any of you zoom? Im happy to set up a small zoom group for us, its not as good as in person but its maybe better than nothing?

I joined the jolly dollies, they are all over the country. I have been to one meet, but I sm definitely the baby of the group by several years.

Its hard, I had a good but unexpected sob this morning.