Not coping at all

Hi val mine is just coming up to 12 months although the rawness is not here now the sadness has never gone also any decisions to be made puts me in a spin still like you tearfull and feel I'm going backwards so you're not alone 

It's early days for me, just over three weeks but I am getting a wee bit concerned my ability to focus on tasks has evaporated. Obviously Carla was a big focus when she was Ill and took up a large part of my time but now I find I drift around tasks and can't get them done, despite my 'to do' lists done the day before, not like me at all...

So I think this is part of the process.

Keep well and I will keep you in mind..

Thank you Ian,just feels like I’m losing the plot.just feels as bad now as in the beginning.Take care and hope you have a good day.....Val

I am doing exactly that,make a promise to myself that I will do certain things but then when it comes to doing them it’s a different matter.even things like paying bills and ordering shopping ,I worry wether I have done it right,So sorry you find yourself in this group,it’s still very early for you,yet you have taken the time to comment on my post so thank you...Take care......Val

It's tough but it's not as though we are the only ones, today 8ve just finished beading all the woodwork in the bathroom, next is the onerous task of fitting a false ceiling (which was a bone of contention when Carla was alive but is really the only way to solve the problems)

So today I have stuck to one of my tasks! Take care and grab the small gains!

Aww glad you have been busy and when have finished it give yourself a pat on the back for sticking to it. I have a  cupboard with Alan’s DIY things in ,and this morning I looked in and promised myself I will start to sort it tomorrow,so hopefully I will.Thank you for your replies,it’s nice to know someone is taking the time to reply to me even tho you are going through the early days and that is hard.,So thank you.I know when I joined the group the support I got was brilliant really helped,People’s on here are so kind even while struggling themselves . Take care.Val....

Hi Val,

I think the making decisions could be part grief and part because of covoid. We have had our decision making process removed. Now we are allowed to make small ones again, no one seems able to do so! We have been thrown into little bubbles! 

I find concentration hard. I used to love reading but I can only read short things like magazine and not a book now. I keep trying to write a letter but not getting far! Luckily I haven't got a date to do it by! 

I seem to be ok with physical tasks. Matron asked me if I was ok today, there was little to do on the ward and my mind was wandering! I admitted that! I was looking out the window and thinking! 

I hope it all comes back soon. I have lists so I don't forget! 

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Thank you for your reply Alison,I spoke to my cousin earlier on the phone and she lost her husband about a month before I lost Alan,she said she is feeling pretty much the same as me and she said it could have something to do with the lockdown,So yes you are probably right,You say you are on the ward is that yourself who is poorly.I know what you mean mean by concentrating on something,my mind wanders,I have the tv on but half the time forget what I’m watching,Take care.....Val

No Val. I am a nurse. Usually pre op assessment but redeployed to ward work which has been cancer surgery! So hard. I work at the Nuffield.

I can now concentrate on the telly but couldn't at the start.

Hope it gets better soon. Just watching the telly and being able to meet in our gardens will be nice 

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Well Alison you nurses do a brilliant job,I know when Alan was in hospital the nurses.were absolutely brilliant and very supportive,The news from the prime minister tonight was well awaited,only spoke to my family through the window when they have dropped things off,so even tho I can’t hug them just to sit near them and chat will be lovely,hopefully sun keeps shining.Take care of yourself,hugs Valxxx